Logically incorrect

Most probably, you have seen this jpg in one way or the other. It was in circulation few years back and made way to my inbox too. It’s about how to prove that Girls are evil. Read on:

I have debated (with my own self, of course) a lot about writing this post. I don’t consider myself feminist. I don’t like generalizing things. I think every person is different in their own way and hence there is no point judging them as a group.

This particular piece, however, intrigued the mathematician in me and hence I have to point out the flaw in this line of reasoning. My problem lies in the first line of the proof that states:

Girls require time and money.

This statement implies that Girls don’t have Time and Money as Girls require them. The statement also implies that Boys, on the other hand, have Time and Money as Boys give Time and Money to Girls when Girls require them. Now my reasoning tells me that someone who has the Time and Money (namely Boys) is more liable for the above arguments than someone who requires them (namely Girls). Hence following the above logic, we will be forced to conclude that:

Boys  = Evil

Comments, anyone?

P.S.: The comments like ‘Genius’, ‘Brilliant’, ‘Ingenious’ etc. are also welcome. To hell with humbleness. ;)

Pranks

Now this is called sense of humor:

(from: imgur.com)

Link via a friend (thanks Varun) on Facebook.

Cultural Differences - II

The other day, in a group we were discussing number of words English has for “idiot”. You know, moron, imbecile, dumb, dork, blockhead, simpleton, half-wit, dummy, dolt, dunce, fathead etc etc.

Then someone mentioned how Eskimos have around 31 words for snow. Then someone else mentioned a tribe somewhere who rely a lot on their smelling sense and hence have a rich lexicon for different types of odors as opposed to English language.

So every culture has words to describe the subtle differences in the grade of the object abundant in that culture.  And then we came back to how many words English language have for idiots! 

Names, Names!

Few days back a friend of mine updated his status on Facebook saying:

Love aaj kal: Yuck! (Love these days: Yuck!)

Now as Bollywood-ignorant as I am, I thought poor guy must have had a heart break. Thankfully I didn’t comment anything to that effect on his status. Two-three days later another friend, from a completely different circle, updated her Orkut status to:

Love aaj kal: Hyped. (Love these days: Hyped.)

Now I knew I was missing something as this was too big a coincidence. Well as it turns out, Love aaj kal is a Bollywood movie starring Saif Ali Khan. I think I need a RSS feed on Bollywood releases.

Anyway, today something very similar happened. I was trying to write an official cover letter for a specific form. And as usual, I googled for the sample cover letter (for that specific form) and found it at some other school’s site. The site also provided a checklist for submitting that particular form. One of the item on the checklist said:

Cover letter signed by Ms. English.

And I thought they want the cover letter to be grammatically sound but as you can imagine things were not as simple. It turns out Ms. English is the person in charge of the whole process in that school. Hence they need the signature from her!

Life is kinda funny, if you ask me !

Joke from 1930s

And it is pretty good one:

Teacher - “Johnny, what's the difference between a battle and a massacre?”

Johnny - “A battle is where whole lot of whites kill a few Indians, and a massacre is where a lot of Indians kill a few whites.”

Laughter Quota

Few people have amazing sense of humor. The person I am talking about today is the best when it comes to it. He has always been able to crack me up. So when I found his profile on Orkut, I had to go through the profile. It ws a pretty succinct and straightforward profile. So I clicked to the professional tab. You know where you need to write about which High School or college (the name of school or university as St. Ann’s or IIT) you attended, your occupation etc.

It contained one line:

High School: Passed

FB

A friend of mine on Facebook “wonders why developers insist on naming things using acronyms. Is there an advantage to calling a file FFFPSICQP.cpp?”  :)

They brought their own gavel!

As I was driving back today, I heard this piece of news (click on ‘Listen now’) on National Public Radio (NPR). Simply entertaining. The transcript of the report is below:

Today was supposed to be the day New York state government got back to work. The state senate has been paralyzed for two weeks. There was a failed legislative goo and a dispute over which party was in-charge. Governor David Paterson used his powers to compel state senators to meet today but as NPR’s Robert smith report the senators didn’t exactly corporate:

The political battle over who controls the New York’s state senate became more like a child’s game of calling dibs today. First, Democrats and Republicans plotted to see who can get to the podium first to hold the gavel and then they proceeded to ignore each other. This came after governor David Paterson had basically told both sides to grow up and show up in special session this afternoon.

David Paterson: “Over last couple of weeks, the senators conduct has been laughable but what’s going on around here these days is no joke and I don’t find it funny.”

Perhaps surreal is better term. Let’s recap. On June 8th Republicans tried to take over the state senate from the Democrats. Two Democrats defected to help the Republicans out and then one re-defected back. So long story short, the New York state senate became tied and for weeks no one has been able to figure out who is in-charge. Democratic state senator Eric Schneiderman told reporters this afternoon that negotiations broke down over who would run the special session.

Eric Schneiderman: “We don’t want this to be a circus and we are asking the Republicans to enter in an operating agreement. They have refused to do that. They are still focusing on the issue whether or not June 8th vote was valid and who is the president of senate?”

You see the Republicans had a plan. If the New York state senate’s special session was at 3 o’clock this afternoon, they were going to show up at 2 o’clock and try and hold their own session. That way they will be standing at the podium and at least visually in-charge. But at 12:30, the Democrats launched a sneak attack. They entered into senate chamber through a back hallway and locked the doors. State Democratic senators stood vigilant at podium then the senator Republicans got into the chamber and try to start their session ignoring the Democrats and ostensibly passing bills. They brought their own gavel. The Democrats started another legislative session with their gavel and started talking over the Republicans. Both sides claim to have passed bills even though no one has a majority. Governor David Paterson called it a farce and says he is disgusted.

David Paterson: “ I feel that they should be punished for what they have done, that they should stay here everyday, Saturdays, Sundays, July 4th and every other time until they remember they work for the people of the state of New York and not for themselves.”

The clock is ticking. On July 1st various taxes and labor agreements won’t go into effect if not approved by the state legislator and damage to senate’s reputation is already done. A poll released yesterday show a record number of people saying New York state is headed in a wrong direction: 63%. A majority called the senate a deadlock and an embarrassment, Robert Smith, NPR news, New York.

Simply hilarious! You know, at times radio is so much better than TV. I don’t think video recording of the event would have been as funny as this report. All they needed to do was to close the report by saying: “That ladies and gentlemen was the story called “Gavel struggle”, read for you by Robert Smith”.

Now I know why they say, ‘Reality is funnier than fiction’.

Please don’t…

As usual I am complaining. And today I am complaining about the Orkut users. Well honestly, it’s about the Orkut users I know, which means technically they are my “friends” though I am not sure how can I become friends with so less common sense. And may be I am out of line on few of them but they irritate me immensely so here they are:

- Please don’t comment on your wife’s album containing your baby’s pictures saying how amazing she (the baby) looks. I understand she means the world to you, but to the world you look dumb by doing so. 

- Please don’t change your name to phrases as “Never say never” or to symbols as “..” and expect me to guess who you are when you comment or scrap. Especially when  your profile picture is a rose and you are sending a friendship request asking me “Remember me?”. How on Earth am I suppose to guess who you are, forget about “remembering you”? 

- Please don’t post your baby’s picture as your profile picture. Some of us are trying to find an old friend whose name might be same as yours but we have no idea how his or her baby might look like. It’s really annoying to attempt guessing how your baby’s mom or dad looks like while staring at his or her picture. You can put a picture of your baby with you, if you do want to show off your baby.

- Please don’t use your spouse’s profile as your own. You can create your own profile. You know it’s FREE. It doesn’t cost you anything. It’s weird leaving a scrap for you at your spouse’s profile. I understand that you two are two bodies and one soul and all that but for some unknown reason you still have two separate friend circles. I have not met your spouse. EVER. So please understand the weirdness of the situation from my point of view.

- Please don’t mix and match the location. Your current location is the location where you currently live and work. You can’t be in Allahabad and Washington, D.C. at the same time. They are practically half the globe away from each other!

- Please don’t put photos of celebrities as your profile picture. No matter how much you adore those celebrities, THEY ARE NOT YOU. Sooner you realize that, better it’s for you.

- Please don’t write your name in a language unknown to some of your friends. Be polite and write in  English. I feel unwelcomed by such gestures.

(from: http://www.know-insurance.co.uk/)

P.S.: Yes they all are real incidents.

Everything's Amazing, Nobody's Happy

Today's quota of my laughter came from a forwarded mail. This is a clip of comedian Louis CK on Conans show about the spoiled generation of today.

If you need a chuckle today, watch...

One-liners

I was searching for an old email when found this forwarded mail. Thought I will share...

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

Marriage is just a matter of give and take.
You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

My wife and I always compromise.
I admit I'm wrong, and she agree with me.

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times;
always with the same person.

You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

Saving is the best thing;
especially when your parents have done it for you.

Wise men talk because they have something to say.
Fools talk because they have to say something.

Fortune Cookie

In my initial months in U.S., a friend once commented, "Just add the phrase 'in the bed' to the fortune from fortune cookie and it makes sense, perhaps more so..". For some reason, this comment stuck to me. So since then, every time I open a fortune cookie, I involuntarily add the phrase "in the bed" at the end of the fortune. So far it works.

Today I discovered this blog and the second last entry in the blog is about, you guessed it, fortune cookie. The blogger has been collecting the fortune cookie's fortune for over a year and have published them on the blog. Here is the list.

• Others are attracted to your lively and sociable personality. -in the bed.
  
• Your name will be famous in the future. -in the bed.
• You combine good taste with a quick mind. -in the bed.
• Traveling to the south will bring you unexpected happiness. -in the bed.
• Courtesy is one of the best peacemakers. -in the bed.
• Keep an eye open for an opportunity soon to arrive. -in the bed.
• Your nurturing instincts will expand to include many people. -in the bed.
• Hang in there. Within sight is the rainbow. -in the bed.
• You work best when meticulous attention to detail is called for. -in the bed.
• Wise men learn more from fools than fools from wise. -in the bed.
• You have an important new business development shaping up. -in the bed.
• Simplicity is the essence of beauty. -in the bed.
• Your leadership qualities will shine soon. -in the bed.
• Be generous, and the favor will be returned. -in the bed.
• You will be spoken well of by someone you look up to. -in the bed.
• Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. -in the bed.
• Creative energy is up - capitalize on it. -in the bed.
• Good things are coming to you in course of due time. -in the bed.
• You have the ability to convince others of your viewpoint. -in the bed.
• You will relive a past experience which will be enlightening. -in the bed.
• Commitment is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism. -in the bed.
• You will be called to fill a position of high honor. -in the bed.
• You stand in your own light. Make it shine. -in the bed.
• Your dearest wish will come true. -in the bed.

:D

P.S.: I feel I need to apology for the adult joke though am not entirely sure why. May be I am scared to be judged based on this post. Or may be this is not an appropriate place to put it. In any case, my apologies if I offended you and no, I am not an easily-available kind. So bugger off.

My fortune cookie

(Front)

(Back)

No I am not jobless. I am just exhausted and can't work. Plus I have a class in 20 min (well now 10 min) so I can't start working on anything anyway. Except this, of course.

See even my fortune is mocking me. Doctor or doctorate...nothing's perfect!

Weak Economy

(From: Al Jazeera.net.)

Don't ask me what unemploymentality mean. But I like the second sign. May be one day I will be holding that sign.

Federal Government

A friend of mine has applied for some project in DOD (department of defense). She gave me as a reference so today I had an interview with a federal government investigator for her background check. One of the question he asked made my nightmarish day a bit better. He asked (from a questionnaire he brought with him):

Do you have any information about her that you can use to blackmail her?

Honestly, I haven't heard a dumber question. Federal Government takes the prize yet again!

Cheeky Quotes..

..inform me:

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole
girl. -Stephen Leacock

I should remember this, given my own fascination with dimples.

Distorted

My facial bones has been distorted, or so says my doctor. I went to see her for pain in left ear. It turns out that in my sleep I grind my teeth (supposedly due to stress or disturbed sleep) hence causing the inflammation of the joint connecting the temporal bones to the mandible. Sounds cool? Okay, okay, in simpler terms, the joint of ear and jaw is distorted (towards left). It has a cool name too: temporomandibular joint (TMJ) dysfunction. Though I don't know how to pronounce it yet. I need to learn that.

Poor my mom will be devastated. Her only daughter. Her only single daughter. With facial distortion. Who will marry her now? May be it's better to spare my mom with this detail. Hopefully she won't notice anything. At least I couldn't notice anything. I stood in front of mirror for 1/2 hour trying to see the distortion. May be I should measure it using scale on some of my recent photos versus the old photos. I should be able to quantify the distortion that way...oops, sorry..geek in me got carried away.

Anyway, I am supposed to put a heat pack on my face (I am not joking) for relaxing the muscles. A rare experience, that will be. I am off to do so in any case. Anything to stop the distortion further.

I always thought it would be fun to have a brand new face every decade or so (honestly don't you get bored of looking at the same face in the mirror every day. Day after day. For years together.) but I don't want to lose my current face either (pun intended). It's good enough as it is. It's part of my identity. Mission 'Save Face' commences today.

Far-sighted

Ever since this quarter started, I had been chasing this book. It is recommended book for one of the courses I am taking. They had 2 copies of that book in the library, hence the instructor put the book on reserve. What it means is that you can issue the book for exactly one day. If you don't return the book on time, fine is pretty hefty. So I had been issuing the book for a day whenever I needed it. In view of current economic crisis, I refused to spend $100 on a book that I will use for only 3 months.

Now my current crisis started as this is dead week (week before finals). It was impossible to track the book. I had been going to library everyday for past week trying to get hold of that book with no luck. Today the crisis turned to panic. I have to submit the last HW on Monday. I was running out of time and I was in dire need of that book. So I tried to track down friends who might have the book. Finally found someone who took the course last year. But she lent the book to another common friend. So I knocked his door. He told me that he lent the book to my office mate. So I came back to my office and found the book I had been hunting for days, on the desk next to mine! Just my life...

Rules of Lab...

1) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
2) When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
3) Experiments must be reproducible, they should fail the same way each time.
4) First draw your curves, then plot your data.
5) Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
6) Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working.
7) To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
8) If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
9) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
10) Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.
11) Team work is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.
12) All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
13) No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example.
14) Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.

P.S.: Yet another forwarded mail.

Stupidity can kill you

You need to read this (click to enlarge):



I have had managers who told me to stand next to the printer because somehow that will get the printer to print faster (Yep that was the reason he gave me) or the one who printed a particular piece of information, climbed two flights of stairs and was trying to find someone's office just because he didn't have time to "email" it. But I burst out laughing everytime (right in front of them, no less. I don't know the meaning of word diplomacy.).

Guess stupidity won't kill me after all unless of course, I die laughing. Actually I won't mind going out that way. Laughing my heart out. Literally. :)

P. S.: This came as forwarded mail today. After snooping around for the source of this news (something I always do for forwarded mails), I found out that this particular news article was part of Weekly World News. You have to visit the Weekly World News site to understand the depth of cheekiness of this site. It's full-to entertainment. Trust me.