The other day I was discussing something, actually discussing someone- a male chauvinist to be precise, with a friend and she commented on how this guy’s (the chauvinistic guy under discussion) mother never taught him anything on the account of him being the raja beta.
I have heard these arguments before, actually in numerous different cases and usually it is to justify something wrong they have done: be it a murderer or a child molester. Don’t they all blame their childhood circumstances for whatever they have done? Those are horror stories and I might give them some merit as usually those conditions should never be imposed on any human being, let alone on a child. So I understand that those circumstances leave an imprint on the person.
But aren’t we all a learning, growing species? Do we stop learning and changing after adolescence years? Don’t we have a “choice” on the way we behave or the way we treat others? Isn’t there a voice in our head that tells us right from wrong? Then how can we blame childhood or parents for our behavior? When do we learn to take responsibility for our own action?
P.S.: Second in the series of saved drafts.
Oh this is a great post! I totally agree with you...we are all able to make choices/decisions once our pre-frontal cortex is fully developed in our early 20s. Blaming the past is an excuse for most of us. And sometimes, the media and movies seem to promote this as well and sort of justify the behaviour because someone had a bad past. But, just as an example, research shows that not all children who are abused become abusers themselves...they learn that it was wrong. They learn to empathise. Great post!
ReplyDeleteI thought about this too, and it's yes and no. Cultural influences are very ingrained in you, and parents are a big part of it. To get over the influence, you need to have something that invalidates some of the common/accepted behavior. It could be as simple as waiting at the stop sign, instead of just driving on. Someone has to slap you on your face (not literally), when you do that to get your brain cells to recognize this.
ReplyDeleteThat said male chauvinism is just inexcusable. It's unfortunate that the society as a whole is not punishing harder for this behavior.
@ PB: And here is a confirmation from a real psychiatrist!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI know that media hype about not having a choice. I hate that. Somehow they always seem to implement that if you had a horrible childhood, you somehow have a right to be absolutely horrible! Actually it's worse, they "know' that you would be horrible.
One of my friend doesn't like the concept of adoption, especially of slightly older kids, just because she belives that nothing can overcome their past horrible experiences and they will most certainly turn out to be horrible! I had so many heated discussion with her about this topic!!
@ Pradeep: I completely understand what you are saying.
It took me almost 25 years and a nudge from those "born-again" christians to first question my faith and opinion of God. It was a hard process and it took me almost 2 years to finally become an agnostic from that very religious girl I used to be. I now wonder how could I be so blind about my faith when I questioned everything else including the concept of love and attraction. But then it was a struggle against the norm and I needed that nudge to even start thinking about it...
But again, for simpler things as chauvnism, doesn't the coonscience give that nudge? Or may be it's only obvious when one is on the recieving end? Just wish people will place themselves at the other end of table before behaving in a certain way or to put it simply, just be more sensitive..
@ PB: And here is a confirmation from a real psychiatrist!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI know that media hype about not having a choice. I hate that. Somehow they always seem to implement that if you had a horrible childhood, you somehow have a right to be absolutely horrible! Actually it's worse, they "know' that you would be horrible.
One of my friend doesn't like the concept of adoption, especially of slightly older kids, just because she belives that nothing can overcome their past horrible experiences and they will most certainly turn out to be horrible! I had so many heated discussion with her about this topic!!
@ Pradeep: I completely understand what you are saying.
It took me almost 25 years and a nudge from those "born-again" christians to first question my faith and opinion of God. It was a hard process and it took me almost 2 years to finally become an agnostic from that very religious girl I used to be. I now wonder how could I be so blind about my faith when I questioned everything else including the concept of love and attraction. But then it was a struggle against the norm and I needed that nudge to even start thinking about it...
But again, for simpler things as chauvnism, doesn't the coonscience give that nudge? Or may be it's only obvious when one is on the recieving end? Just wish people will place themselves at the other end of table before behaving in a certain way or to put it simply, just be more sensitive..