Homophobia

(This post has been brewing for a long time and hence is a bit longer than usual. And also it’s a bit haphazard.)

Last summer Californians were celebrating the court decision to strike down the same-sex marriage ban and almost every gay couple in California was rushing to get married. The pending Prop 8 ballot also didn’t diminish those spirits. Right about that time, while discussing politics with an older friend whom I respect, the gay right issue came up. To my surprise, she scoffed and said that she can’t understand why everyone (=gays) is making such a big deal about it? There are a lot more important things to worry about such as economy, housing crisis, the wars.

I didn’t answer her at that moment as I thought I might get carried away. But I did want to point the fact that she had answered her own question: why everyone is making such a big deal about it? If someone wants to marry someone, how does it affect anyone else? Let them. It makes them happy and it doesn’t harm anyone else. So why do they have to make such a big deal about it? There are so many other important issues to worry about. Let’s make a big deal about them.

But with all the existing homophobia around the world, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. Talking about Homophobia, this invitation was sent few days back on the Stanford Indian Association(SIA) group (Click to enlarge). I saw it. I closed it. Next time I opened my mail, there was a reply on the group. It asked if this is a queer list? And that’s when I noticed the box on left hand side declaring Trikone is a non-profit support & advocacy for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexuals & Transgender South Asians. This isn’t the first time that a non-profit organization has organized an event in Bay area and have sent an invitation to Indian group in Stanford. But then they were child care organization. (We love kids.That’s why we have a lot of them.) LGBT supporting organization shouldn’t send their invitation to our group. But wait, don’t we as community maintain a status that homosexuals don’t exist in India?

But then I shouldn’t be too harsh on homophobic desis. Not long ago, I was one of them. Though not as bad. At least I hope so. I remember my first trip back to India (in 2005). (I know I am digressing but I need to tell this antidote). Actually, it happened when I was boarding my flight back to states. As usual the flight was supposed to take off late in the night (or early in morning). I was waiting in the boarding area,trying to keep myself awake. I was too sleepy to read so I was simply looking around. That’s when I spotted two hunks really good looking guys sitting nearby. And then they announced the boarding. As I was taking my seat, to my delight I again spotted them. They had the seats right in front of me. I couldn’t believe my luck. That never happens to me. A moment later I realized, that really never happens to me. They sat down and started kissing. Each other. I couldn’t believe my luck. Well jokes aside, I remember the way my jaw (and my stomach) dropped down. It took me several moments to compose myself. I felt completely  numb and had no idea what I was doing. The shock was a bit too much for me to handle. (Also: Ouch). So I think I should not be the one making judgments about other people’s homophobia.

What I am trying to say is that I completely understand the utter shock one gets when one realizes someone, he or she knows, is homosexual. It’s not an easy thing to deal especially for desis. We all grew in a very conservative society where talking about one’s sexuality is forbidden. Homosexuality is unimaginable. Most of my Indian friends think homosexuality is unnatural. Other than that, it doesn’t deserve their attention.

Trouble is, whether we like or not, homosexuals are a part of our society. Approximately 10% of population in any country is gay. In India, gay men get married and have children. However, 90% of those married gay men still continue to have sexual relationship with other men. What do you know, we don’t have homosexuals  after all. We just have cheating husbands. But then how does it matter. As long as they get married and have kids, everything is fine. That’s what matters in our society, isn’t it? Getting married and having kids. Quality of life, emotional satisfaction, HAPPINESS: who cares about that? You MUST be happy if you are married and have kids.

But again, I digress. I was talking about homophobia. The great part about being a human is that you grow everyday. Well at least I did. I grew out of my homophobia. It was a gradual change though. A lot of factors helped in that change. Having non-homophobic friends helped. Reading about the issues helped. And getting to know few homosexuals also helped. Although being asked out by few of them didn’t. Or may be that helped too. But that’s another story.

Again, my point being, don’t judge anyone before you get to know them. It wouldn’t hurt you to open your mind just a bit. You might end up gaining a wonderful friend. Or may be you will be able to save an existing friendship. You never know..