The Other Sex

WARNING: Long post (but worth reading :) ).

Recently I discovered French writer, existentialist philosopher and feminist Simone de Beauvoir and her book “The second sex (Le deuxième sexe)” published in 1949. I was stunned how relevant those words still are even though 60 years have passed. A lot have changed but the philosophy of the second sex still remains. In the introduction Simone writes:

Many American women particularly are prepared to think that there is no longer any place for woman as such; if a backward individual still takes herself for a woman, her friends advise her to be psychoanalysed and thus get rid of this obsession. In regard to a work, Modern Woman: The Lost Sex, which in other respects has its irritating features, Dorothy Parker has written: ‘I cannot be just to books which treat of woman as woman ... My idea is that all of us, men as well as women, should be regarded as human beings.’ But nominalism is a rather inadequate doctrine, and the antifeminists have had no trouble in showing that women simply are not men. Surely woman is, like man, a human being; but such a declaration is abstract. The fact is that every human being is always a singular, separate individual. To decline to accept such notions as the eternal feminine, the black soul, the Jewish character, is to deny that Jews, Negroes, women exist today – this denial does not represent a liberation for those concerned, but rather a flight from reality. […] In truth humanity is divided into two classes of individuals whose clothes, faces, bodies, smiles, gaits, interests, and occupations are manifestly different. Perhaps these differences are superficial, perhaps they are destined to disappear. What is certain is that they do most obviously exist.

My field is fairly male-dominated. Ever since I joined this field, there have been many incidents of discriminations, taunting etc. Whenever I share any such incident with my peer group, the usual response I get is that I should have stayed and proved them wrong. And I have often wondered, should I have? Yes, may be. But all those incidents would have involved me somehow trying to prove that I am not a woman. I am not sure how to do that? If some one asks me to prove that I am capable, intelligent, hard working enough for a certain job, I will take up that challenge. But no matter how I hard I work, no matter how much I struggle, I can never prove that I am not a woman.

My body is structured in a certain way. If at some point, my future life partner and I decide to have a baby, my body will be the one who will carry the baby. And it doesn’t stop at physical differences. Socially, I will be expected to shoulder far more responsibilities and duties than my life-partner. Socially, I need more protection and security than my male counterparts. Socially (at least in India), I couldn’t have shared room with guys in my class (I was the only girl in my class). And all these facts will remain true as long as I am a woman. So if they taunt me or discriminate against me due to these reasons, I don’t get the point of staying and proving. They want me to prove that I am not a woman, which I can’t. I have no means, or desire, of proving that. And why should I have to? Isn’t being good in your field or at your job, good enough? What does my being a woman has anything to do with my capabilities?

Here, I have to quote Apu’s post on “what if women’s stuff was the norm” that deals with how our society still treat the biological requirements of women as ‘special treatment’ and frown upon it. Apu writes:

Why “special” leave if you claim to be equal, is a question often thrown at women. This question assumes one important thing : that the norm is ‘no-maternity leave’ and therefore asking for maternity leave is a ‘deviation’, a call for ’special treatment.’ But, here’s the thing; assuming a norm of ‘no-maternity leave needed’ is a fundamentally biased one. It is a norm based on a situation where the workplace is entirely comprised of biological males who do not need maternity leave.

But, here’s the thing too : 50% of this planet’s citizens are women. What if we and our bodies were the norm? Looking at it this way, suddenly, maternity leave doesn’t seem like an aberration. Women’s bodies carry children, and those bodies need a period of rest before/after delivery, plus time off until the baby is weaned. That’s a biological fact. Workplaces have never been built taking into account the fact of women’s bodies or their lives. For e.g. transfer policies in most government departments in our country were laid down for a prototype male worker, whose non-working wife and children would simply move when he had to.

How is this thinking different from the 1940s when women were struggling for voting rights, education and such. As Simone writes:

Thus humanity is male and man defines woman not in herself but as relative to him; she is not regarded as an autonomous being. Michelet writes: ‘Woman, the relative being ...’ And Benda is most positive in his Rapport d’Uriel: ‘The body of man makes sense in itself quite apart from that of woman, whereas the latter seems wanting significance by itself ... Man can think of himself without woman.  […] She is defined and differentiated with reference to man and not he with reference to her; she is the incidental, the inessential as opposed to the essential. He is the Subject, he is the Absolute – she is the Other.’

[…]

Woman has ovaries, a uterus: these peculiarities imprison her in her subjectivity, circumscribe her within the limits of her own nature. It is often said that she thinks with her glands. Man superbly ignores the fact that his anatomy also includes glands, such as the testicles, and that they secrete hormones. He thinks of his body as a direct and normal connection with the world, which he believes he apprehends objectively, whereas he regards the body of woman as a hindrance, a prison, weighed down by everything peculiar to it. ‘The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities,’ said Aristotle; ‘we should regard the female nature as afflicted with a natural defectiveness.’ And St Thomas for his part pronounced woman to be an ‘imperfect man’, an ‘incidental’ being. This is symbolised in Genesis where Eve is depicted as made from what Bossuet called ‘a supernumerary bone’ of Adam.

Why else do we still refer the humans as man-kind? Again to quote Simone:

In actuality the relation of the two sexes is not quite like that of two electrical poles, for man represents both the positive and the neutral, as is indicated by the common use of man to designate human beings in general; whereas woman represents only the negative, defined by limiting criteria, without reciprocity.

It depresses me to observe how little the thinking of society has changed in past 60 years even though we have come far in a lot of aspects regarding feminist movement. It also depresses me to see how half of the world is still living in that era or worse, trying to return to that era. The concept of feminism is considered “western”, “corrupting” etc. while it actually is:

What they [feminist] demand today is to be recognized as [an] existent with the same right as men, and not as subordinate existence to life, [like] the human being [master] to its animality [slave].

Sixty years later, we are still fighting for that equality. Husbands and in-laws still hold the power to grant freedom to wives and DILs. What a woman is allowed or not allowed to wear depends on everyone else but her. Her career decisions are made by others. She is given duties and responsibilities, and yet no rights or liberties.

Yes, on larger scale we have achieved some major goals: woman have a right to vote, education, work without discrimination by law almost all around the world. We are horrified when these rights are revoked. But on micro level, these rights haven’t really reached to woman (at least in India). The social thinking still considers woman as liability. We are still frowned upon if we want maternity leave. Companies don’t want to employ woman of certain age-group as they might want maternity leave or might get married and leave the company.  We no longer have open discriminations and yet, at every step of the way we face a discrimination.

In a lot of ways, we are still where we were 60 years ago.  We are still the second sex, the other sex. Don’t you agree?

Edit: The Bechdel rule for movies is yet another example of how woman are regarded as the other sex in our world. IHM wrote a post about the topic.

Wordless Wednesday: Stanford Goat

So apparently, Wednesdays are wordless! Who knew? Jokes aside, I have been debating posting anything under this category for some time now. It’s no secret I am no good at keeping up a series on my blog. Moreover, I have a photoblog for posting my pictures. But then, I do post some of the pictures on this blog as well, though I am not too fond of the way they look in this blog design.

Well you see, the to and fro arguments. Anyway, I thought I will at least start it with no promises of continuing and let’s see where it goes (it almost sounds like I have commitment issues, doesn’t it?).

Anyway, that’s a lot of words for a post with ‘wordless’ in its title. So here we go with the first installment of the Wordless Wednesday.

Occasion: Pet the goat by Stanford Goat Project.

Location: White Plaza, Stanford Campus.

Date: May 11, 2010.

P.S.: No, I don’t know this guy. Yes, I am the creepy girl who takes pictures of strangers. Just so you know, all the photographers do that. And unless you are in UK or India, where they explicitly tell you not to, you can take picture of anyone in a public place (except, of course, in restrooms). Moreover, these pictures were meant for Stanford Alumni photoblog, White Plaza Watch. Unfortunately, the other blogger beat me to it. You can see his pictures here.

Commercial Vice

So my mom texted me yesterday complaining that I didn’t call her on Mother’s day. I was shocked: My mom knows about the Mother’s day. I called her and asked the same question. As it turns out, it’s a big hype in India now! I was speechless. I simply didn’t know what to say. After more than three decades of my life, I simply don’t know how to tell her what having her as my mom means. She is my mom. Period. I really don’t know how else to express myself. What is one suppose to do on Mother’s day, really?

I always viewed all the hype around Mother’s day in US with contempt: commercial ventures trying to come up with all these days so that they can sell products! And yet, now I am caught in it. And I am completely lost. So if someone, familiar with current Indian trends, can enlighten me with what am I suppose to do on this day? How is it celebrated in India? I will, at least, try to make necessary gestures expected of me. Even though I still disapprove of the whole concept, but if my mom expects it I would rather do it, instead of disappointing her again. Yes, I am giving into this commercial vice for her sake.

P.S.: I was in the same perplexity when my cousin gave my mom a testimony on Orkut. Am I expected to give a testimony to my mom? If yes, then what am I supposed to say? Again, only thing I can say: She is my mom. Doesn’t that explain everything? And if it does, then why am I supposed to write down this very well known fact?

My Life

…at the moment

Epiphany

…though not of a good kind.

So for years I have been asked this set of questions from married women. Okay, let’s be specific, from desi (Indian) married women. And they have always annoyed me but I haven’t been able to put my finger on what exactly bothers me about them. They seem innocent enough questions. This weekend, however, I realized exactly why they bother me. And I have been simmering inside ever since.

The questions I have been asked so often in past few years, especially as I crossed Indian marrying age, will start from very innocent question: if I have a room-mate. It is a bit of personal question as I have been just introduced to these women. But what are we Indians, if we are not intrusive, rude, interfering and blunt. The rest of questions will revolve around this main question, aka room-mate, as if they are trying to ascertain something. They will vary from questions like if my room-mate is likable/livable to if we cook together. At some point, I do tell them that I don’t have a desi room-mate at which they are horrified. But that’s another story.

As I was saying, this line of questioning have always bothered me and I actually find their horrified expression at discovering that I have a non-desi room-mate, very comforting. Though I don’t have non-desi room-mate for their sake, but because I get along non-desi room-mates better than the desis. But then I digress.

So I haven’t been able to put my finger on exactly what bothered me in this line of questioning till this weekend when yet another desi married woman asked me the same questions. The expression on her face matched pity, sympathy while asking me these questions. That’s when I realized the reason behind these interrogations.

See according to the most of the married people, if you are single, you have to be miserable and lonely (and hence the presence of room-mate can make it better but only if you have a desi room-mate). They can’t gather the concept that one can be happy being single.

Who will take care of you when you are sick, even if their husband may or may not take care of them when they are sick. Who will cook for you when you are sick, even if the most their husband will do is to order out, which one can do from sick bed (just pick up the phone). Who will take care of all the chores, even though their husband may or may not help them with theirs. Wouldn’t one crave for company, even though their husband may or may not provide companionship, friendship they crave.

The problem lies in the phrase “may or may not”. You see the husbands have a choice. They can opt to help and they can opt out of it. If they helped once, it doesn’t mean they will help every time. If they do help out once, even in the smallest way, most probably you will hear about that one for days to come. Especially desi husbands. No doubt there are exceptions, but general pattern remains the same.

So I don’t get the point of their pity and sympathy towards me? I think I have a better deal. At least, I have to only clean after myself, cook for myself and take care of myself, and not do all this for a thankless person, who not only expect me to do his chores, do his laundry, cook his food and clean after him, but also wants me to consider him superior than me for some reason. Thank you , but no thank you. I am far more happy by myself. I don’t have to seek anyone’s “permission” to make plans for my weekend, to meet my friends, to wear what I want, to cut my hairs, to go to movies of my choice (chick flicks and animations) or to cook what I want and the way I want to. Why would I ever want to give this up? So please, keep your sympathies to yourself. I am happy. As they say: better alone than in a bad company!

Loving it

I am, of course, talking about my new iPhone (yes, I have been lured to the dark side). Before I start ranting, I should put the disclaimer that I have been very busy lately and hence didn’t have time to explore all the possible apps or even fully explore the apps I have downloaded.

So let me start with the things I love about my iPhone. It’s obvious isn’t it? The numerous apps. As ‘Words with friends’ apps (online scrabble that you can play with your friends who have iPhone) that I have been hooked to (one of the two games I have downloaded). Did I tell you about the time my friend earned 102 points? (The word was ‘Equid’ with Q on the TL tile and the word ending on TW tile). I am still in shock. Of course, I lost that game. By 50 points.

My recent favorite is ‘Audiobooks’ app (the first app I bought). I call it  ‘Bedtime story’ app as that’s how I use it. It has a function called sleep so that you can set a timer for it to close itself after x minutes. Perfect for my bedtime reading, er I mean listening. I am currently listening to ‘Alice’s adventures in wonderland’. I read that book long ago. It was an abridged version. So were a lot of books I read as a teenager. I never had time to catch on the unabridged versions of the classics I read as a kid. Now I can! Coming back to Alice: I absolutely love her. Like her idea about sending a new pair of boots to her feet every Christmas (as she grew so big that she couldn’t see her feet) and the address to which she planned to send the gifts to was:

ALICE’S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.

HEARTHRUG, NEAR THE FENDER,

(WITH ALICE’S LOVE)

Hehehehe…

Anyway, we were talking about my iPhone. So you see I do love a lot of things in my iPhone but the concept of iPhone scares me. It’s one stop for checking my emails, IMs etc. It automatically signs me in which means if someone picks up my iPhone, he/she will get access to all my personal accounts instantly. Yes, there is a passcode system for locking the phone. But do you really think in this world of hacking, malicious virus, Trojan horse etc, a mere 4 digit passcode is enough?

Does any of you with iPhone faced such paranoia? or am I overreacting? 

P.S.: 1. Yes, that’s my iPhone in the photo.

2. I have named my iPhone ‘Param’, after India’s first supercomputer (built sometime in 90s). Don’t laugh.

3. Before you ask, the second game I have downloaded is Sudoku.

The Balance

Aren’t we all trying to find this?

Shouldn’t we as a society need to work towards this and try to get rid of extremism?

There is a Sanskrit saying: “Ati sarvatra varjayate” meaning extreme should always be avoided. So in a way it tells us to strive for a balance, a moderation.

Life will be so much easier if we achieve it.

…just some thoughts provoked by this photo.

The point of exercising

Like it or not, we live in a weight obsessed world. It’s a world wide epidemic now, especially among women (for some reason, a man with weight problem is more acceptable in any society than a woman with weight problem).  And obviously, there comes in diet and exercise as the solution to anyone’s weight problem (let’s assume that we all have common sense and hence, we don’t fall for stupid, unhealthy weight loss products).

Recently, for some reason (I think it has something to do with approaching summer), most of my friends have been talking about reducing weight by exercising. And no, I don’t have a problem with that. The point of this post is the way almost all of them discuss exercise as a short term task. They talk about the time when, after they have reached their desired weight or loose certain amount of body fat or whatever their goal is, they don’t have to exercise anymore. That’s what gets me.

See, I was raised with the notion that exercise, like brushing your teeth, is a part of the daily routine. Yes, that was the parallel I was given: Just like how brushing your teeth regularly keeps them healthy and help you avoid aches and pains and other tooth problems in long term, exercising daily keeps your body healthy and help you avoid aches and pains and other problems in long term, especially in the old age.

And please, this is not about how long you are going to live (that’s what most of my friends argue in their defense: they don’t want to live till the old age). It’s about how healthy you would be towards the end of your life. I am sure none of them want to be bedridden and be dependent on others for their basic necessities. I know there are no guarantees, even with the exercise and healthy diet, but by living healthy you decrease your probability of going that bed-ridden way.

And that, my dear friends, is the point of exercising. At least, that’s what it should be. Keeping yourself healthy. Exercising and stretching your muscles, so that they keep moving. Think of it like oiling your bicycle (or any other machine that you use). If you keep it well oiled, you don’t have to spend as much energy while riding it. It will run smoothly. Your body is also a machine. And worse, you can’t replace it, unlike your bicycle. So keep it well oiled.

And then, there are other advantages of exercising: keeping weight in control is one of them. It’s good for relieving stress. It certainly builds up self-confidence and self-esteem. And yada yada yada…

*Image is linked to it’s source.

Writing

As I have been mentioning so often now, I am writing my thesis at the moment. A thesis with six chapters (apart from introduction etc.) for six years of my research life in Stanford. I have facts and results. Papers from previous researchers to quote. A guideline to write a thesis provided by the school and examples of theses of students before me. And yet, I am going crazy trying to keep everything flowing from one chapter to the other, to explain things in a way that people, who are not expert in the area, can understand. Okay my target audience is still scientists and not economists or lawyers or artists. But the scientist category is also very wide.

Why am I ranting about this? Well, I was reading this article by J.K. Rowling on the current elections in UK (yes, I keep up with the news across the world. Okay, you got me. I got the link via Sparky.). It’s about one of the political party in UK called Tory party (or the Conservative party, currently lead by David Cameron. They were in power from 1979-1997, first lead by Margaret Thatcher (1979-1990) and then by John Major(1990-1997)) and how they disapprove of single mothers (It is also called ‘nasty party’). In the article she mentions about the time in her life when:

Between 1993 and 1997 I did the job of two parents, qualified and then worked as a secondary school teacher, wrote one and a half novels and did the planning for a further five. For a while, I was clinically depressed. To be told, over and over again, that I was feckless, lazy — even immoral — did not help.

One and a half novels, and planned five novels! Despite being depressed, having added responsibilities of being a single parent AND working a day job. And yet, she created this amazing world. And yet, the books flow from one to seven seamlessly. Honestly, I am in awe! I have a new respect for that lady.

P.S.: I can’t end this post without quoting few more lines from her article that I think is true in any society (emphasis mine):

“one of the biggest social problems of our day”. […] Women like me (for it is a curious fact that lone male parents are generally portrayed as heroes, whereas women left holding the baby are vilified) were, according to popular myth, a prime cause of social breakdown, and in it for all we could get: free money, state-funded accommodation, an easy life.

If I were…

PB did this tag few days ago. I contemplated doing it then. Then Titaxy picked it up and now I couldn’t resist it any more. So here is the tag, ‘If I were…’

• If I were a month, I’d be December…as approximately 1/3rd of the month is vacation time for all, whether you are a student or professional. Got to love that, don’t you think?
• If I were a day of the week, I’d be Friday…relaxed and promising a weekend.
• If I were a time of day, I’d be Night…with silence as my companion.
• If I were a season, I’d be Winter in India… where you enjoy the sun on the terrace while eating matar ki roti (peas-stuffed bread), gobhi ke parathe (cauliflower stuffed bread), gajar ka halwa (carrot desert).
• If I were a planet, I’d be Jupiter…with pretty rings.
• If I were a direction, I’d be West…as that’s where I would have loved to live had I been a woman (I am a direction, remember? Keep up, will you?)
• If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a Bed…oh what can I say, I love sleeping. (Alone, sleeping alone. Keep your dirty minds off.)
• If I were a liquid, I’d be Water…plain and simple yet essential.
• If I were a tree, I’d be the Banyan tree…with centuries of wisdom in me. And I get to live like 100s of years.
• If I were a tool, I’d be a Scissor…cutting pretty shapes.
• If I were a flower, I’d be Poppy…beautiful and controversial.
• If I were an element, I’d be Carbon…as in Diamond.
• If I were a gemstone, I’d be Diamond…as in Carbon?
• If I were a kind of weather, I’d be Partly Cloudy…perfect conditions for outdoor photo shoot. Now where is my model?
• If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a Drum…giving a beat to all the tunes.
• If I were a color, I’d be Blue…as in Blue Moon, Blue Heart, Blue Jeans, Blue Sky, the Blues. Oh well, you caught my drift.
• If I were an emotion, I’d be Pensive… ... … …. … … (I am being Pensive)
• If I were a fruit, I’d be an Amrood (Guava)…that too a bit unripe and stolen. Love the taste of that one. (What? You never stole fruits as a kid? Really? :-O )
• If I were a sound, I’d be a telephone ring…connecting people. Wait, that came out like an advertisement. I meant telephone ring…that connect hearts (ask the couples in a long distance relationship).
• If I were a car, I’d be a Mitsibushi Pajero…serious muscles on that one. Have you seen that car?
• If I were a material, I’d be Silk…everyone yearns to touch.
• If I were a food, I’d be Indian…pretty much like I am now. Indian, not food.
• If I were a taste, I’d be Delicious…what? You thought I would be anything but delicious?
• If I were a scent, I’d be Hugo Boss Deep Red or Victoria’s Secret Amber Romance…hmmm love the smell already.
• If I were an object, I’d be a Laptop…a universal addiction.
• If I were a song, I’d be an A.R. Rahman’s song…do I really need to tell you why?
• If I were a body part, I’d be Tongue…the only part of the body (apart from brain) that multitask: taste and talk.
• If I were a place, I’d be my Hometown…as Dorothy said it: “There is no place like home”.
• If I were a facial expression, I’d be a Frown…as it’s usually followed by some strong, passionate emotions.
• If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be Prada…even Devil wears it!

Feel free to pick this tag, if you want to. Me going back to my cave. Ciao..

The Good and the Bad

Can you tell me about a time when you eat a whole cookie and not feel guilty? or get a whole pint of ice-cream and still not feel guilty? or the day when you can come back a little early even though there is tons of work pending and still, yes still, not feel guilty? And yes,  all these events happen on the same day! I will tell you when: the day you donate blood. It’s a guilt-free day for everything.

Yes, you got it. I donated blood today, after six months I might add and got a voucher to buy a pint of ice-cream while I was offered free cookie and orange juice at the blood mobile. The downside of donating blood, you ask? The nausea (at least in my case) so you don’t enjoy all the cookies, the ice-creams and the time off. How ironic is that? Just my life…

(Image from: http://bloodcenter.stanford.edu/press/releases/2008_09_BloodMobileLaunch.html)

P.S.: Just FYI – Quite a few people have asked me about how it feels to donate blood and how much it hurts etc. Honestly, despite all the nausea and poking (my veins are hard to find so I get poked a bit more and/or have to spend more than usual time than other people), it feels great to donate blood. It doesn’t hurt. Honestly. So if you have been thinking about donating blood, it’s time that you act on it.

An itinerary, a daydream

As I have often posted in past few months, I am writing my thesis at the moment, which means I am working, working and working. Remember the exam days from school days? The two-three weeks when all you get to do is study and remember how during those weeks you would make list of things you would do once exams finished.

Now imagine extending that two-three week period to six months. Yep that’s how I feel like at the moment and yes, I have been making lists of things I want to do. I know a lot of them are not feasible or practical but that doesn’t stop me from day-dreaming.

Anyway, I have been planning this hypothetical cross-country road trip that I want to take. I know I won’t be able to make it and have to settle down for something less (probably a west coast road trip from San Francisco to Seattle: its more practical.), yet I have been day-dreaming. I have a rough itinerary as well:

(Courtesy: Google maps)

A- San Francisco, CA: Starting point

B-  Death Valley, CA:

(Image from:http://www.und.edu/instruct/mineral/Eric-Moore-Death-Valley.jpg)

C- Grand Canyon, AZ:

D- Arches National Park, UT:

 (Image from: http://fruitfly.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/delicate-arch-arches-national-park-utah.jpg)

E- Salt Lake City, UT:

(Image from: http://www.wfrc.org/cms//images/photos//SALT%20LAKE%20CITY%20SKYLINE.JPG)

F- Craters of the moon, ID:

G- Yellowstone National park, WY:

(Image from: http://www.greensolutionsmag.com/back_issues/GSM-Aug08/images/ecophoto.jpg) 

H- Mount Rushmore, SD:

(Image from: http://www.welcometothepond.com/American%20Symbols%20WebQuest/mountrushmore.jpg)

I- Chicago, IL:

 (Image from: http://www.essential-architecture.com/A-AMERICA-N/USA/CHICAGO/CHIC.htm)

J- New York, NY:

(Image from; http://sports.espn.go.com/travel/cities/index?city=new-york-city)

K-  Washington, DC:

(Image from: http://jimwickre.blogspot.com/2009/03/cherry-blossom-festival-time-in.html) 

 

Well someday, I will visit all these places, even if I can’t take this trip…

Yeah, yeah. I will make the west coast road trip itinerary too.

Dead

A dead rose, finally discarded away. A cycle of life completed. We move on. Life goes on…

Taken on the first death anniversary of my favorite uncle. I owe my passion for photography to him. He is missed.

Tag: Seven random facts

I know, I did the disappearing act again. I am trying to finish writing my thesis at the moment and have been working very hard. I should be done next 2-3 months. Till then, expect a post or two once in a while but don’t raise them (the expectations) too much.

PB tagged me to do a post about seven random facts about me. The word “random” is a curious one: you can fit anything in that category.  It’s like having a blank tiles (wildcard) in scrabble. You can choose any letter to represent it. Though once used, it can’t be changed. While here I have freedom to change the topic from point to point. Yet I think I will stick to one theme for this post. So my wildcard for this post is things that irritate or enrage me. So here are the seven things or people that irritate or enrage me:

1. ~>  Husbands who don’t “let” their wives, or to use Indian term, give freedom to their wives to wear certain clothes. The reason they usually give is that other men especially Indian men would get wrong ideas about their wife if they wear certain clothes. And with Indian husbands, these clothes can be as decent and harmless as a knee-length skirt or a sleeveless top.

My problem is here two fold:

1. Freedom is not theirs to give. Clothes are a personal matter and everyone has a right to choose what they want to wear or what they feel comfortable in. How can anyone has a right to give or take away that freedom from anyone?

2. Their objection about what other men will think and hence the woman should dress in certain way: don’t you get reminded of Taliban and similar groups when you hear that phrase? Isn’t this punishing the victim? Instead of checking or punishing the predators in our society we have a habit of punishing the victims of those predators.

On a side note, I also have problem with the in-laws proudly announcing that they give their DILs all the “freedom”. When will they realize that till they think that it’s their prerogative to give freedom to the DILs, they can never truly be okay with the DILs independence.

2. ~>  People who demand respect. Growing up we were often told that we should always respect our elders. I had to unlearn this lesson the hard way. And yes, there is a difference between being polite and respectful, and actually respecting someone. The first two come under the category of manners, which I agree one should possess however, respect is an attribute that one needs to earn.

For example: If a MIL go around spreading vicious rumors about her DIL or keep interfering with her life, she might receive a polite behavior from her DIL but she will never earn her respect. No matter what “tradition” says.

I think, people who demand respect are the ones who don’t deserve it. The one’s who deserve it, don’t have to demand it.

3. ~>  The religious kinds (okay not all but quite a lot of them). They bug me as most of them are horrified by my lack of faith and think I don’t have any religious freedom.

See being an atheist/agnostic (I haven’t picked one yet) some how means I shouldn’t hurt other people’s religious beliefs. Hence I am supposed to go to the temple when I am with them, bow my head and go through all the rituals to protect their religious freedom and beliefs, because my beliefs on the subject matter don’t count.

Not having faith in God = not having any religious freedom.

And when I object, they are horrified and hurt. Most of them ask me, “What’s  the big deal? If you do all these things, it shouldn’t matter to you one way or the other but it will mean so much to XYZ as they believe in all these things”.

I don’t have any problem with XYZ having whatever beliefs they want to have and I am not stopping them to do whatever they want but why, why on the Earth, do I have to do it because XYZ believes in it. I don’t believe in them, and I don’t want to do all those things. Don’t I have a right? Why do I have to respect other’s beliefs when they don’t respect mine?

And yes, it does matter to me to go through those rituals as I feel like a fraud while doing that. I feel like I am disrespecting my beliefs as well the beliefs of XYZ by going through that. Is that what they want?

4. ~> The clueless types. These are the people who have no idea, what-so-ever, about what’s happening in the world around them. Okay, I admit that I am not an ardent news-bug like quite a lot of my friends but I do keep up. I don’t get the people living in this shell where they block off any news about the world. It doesn’t affect them hence it doesn’t concern them. And even if it affects them, well, it doesn’t matter as they can’t and won’t do anything about it. If you ask them, their simple answer would be: “Politics doesn’t interest me.” or “Politics is too slimy and I don’t have any interest in it.”

Well, politics doesn’t interest me either. I find it too slimy, too and yes there have been days when I have refused to find out the news as I didn’t want to get more depressed than I already was. But reading news isn’t about being interested in politics or enjoying it. It is about being aware of your surroundings: the injustice and the stupidity. Unless we are aware if these things, how are we supposed to change them or at least try to change them. And if we don’t change them, aren’t we in danger of becoming a stagnant society?

Oh yes, we all want to be happy. We don’t want to be angry, frustrated and enraged at all times but is it really right thing to do?

The worst thing about these clueless people is their utter lack of any reaction to any news. At times, I simply want to shake them up. How can anyone be so indifferent?

5. ~> The oh-so-great-Indian-culture types, or rather, “the second-handers”. Don’t get me wrong. I am proud to be an Indian. No, really I am. There are quite a lot of things I do like about our country: for example, our school education system. I see children in Western world and their primary education system and I thank my stars that I was born in India. At least our 12th graders can read! But I digress.

I was talking about the second-handers, the oh-so-great-Indian-culture types. The types who do read the newspaper, but are incapable of forming an opinion. They have never stopped and thought about anything in life, simply accepted and parroted the opinion of others. So for them, everything about our culture is so great because they were told so.

For example: Remember the movie “Pardes”? The dialog between Atul Agnihotri and Mahima Chaudhary in Las Vegas hotel where he blames Indian culture of being so hypocrite? Remember the only answer Mahima Chaudhary came up with? A slap and a dialog: “Mere Bharat ko bura mat kaho” (don’t say anything against my country) or something similar. And somehow it was an acceptable answer! No counter arguments were given. Somehow, patriotism is an answer for logic.

6. ~> The oh-I-am-so-smart types. These are the calculating, shrewd creatures who want to use you. Friendship don’t mean anything to them. They meet you, measure you and think of all the ways they can use you. If you are helping kind, then for them you are an easy target and not a nice, helping person.

My problem: if I can help someone, I will and I don’t have time or energy to think about all the calculated moves they are making while congratulating themselves for my gullibility. And honestly I don’t mind helping anyone (even a stranger), the thing that pisses me off is their oh-I-am-so-smart  attitude. That’s something I can’t take. I am taking out time to help them, least they can do is show some gratitude, instead I get this attitude, as if I am meant to serve them as I am so dumb while they are meant to rule the world as they are so smart. And surprisingly, world is full of such people. Or may be, I just keep bumping into such people.

7. ~> The gossipers. Do I need to elaborate more? Their only interest in me is getting a juicy piece of gossip, and then they wonder why I avoid them? Really? And it’s just not about gossiping about any personal details of my life that they can get access to but also the way that simple fact is twisted so that people can laugh at it. Whenever I am with these gossipers, I feel like I am on the stage while these gossipers and their community is pointing and laughing at me. Every sentence I speak in their company will be twisted and made into a joke.

They don’t stop at that either. They take pains to contact gossipers from my past and get details of my then life and then ask me about it. Again any statement I make will come back to bite me. I don’t know what they get out of all this. Do they even know the meaning of friendship?

There. I am done with the tag. Again, it’s free for all tag. If you want to write about 7 random things about yourself. Go ahead. Take the tag…

Am going back to my slumber. Will surface in 2-3 weeks again. Will see you then.

Hmmm…interesting

For those of you wondering, yes I deleted my post from yesterday. I will post it again after some editing. It just became too personal and I was feeling very uneasy about it, hence the deletion.

However, for some unknown reason I also submitted the post on Indivine (I contacted them regarding removing my post and haven’t heard back from them) . For those who don’t know: Indivine is a platform provided by IndiBlogger to submit the links to your post with a small synopsis. Other members “vote” on your post and, well, I really don’t know what happens after that. But I always thought that at least some people read your post. That notion was removed today morning when 6 more people voted on my post even though the link I submitted no longer works. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate the vote of confidence that these people have shown in me. I guess they took it on blind faith that whatever I wrote must be good. Though I would have appreciated more if they had actually read my post. Well not the post I deleted but otherwise.

I usually browse Indivine as well as blogadda in order to find interesting blogs/posts which means I click on the post links and read them. I might not necessarily remember to vote on them but at least I read the post.

P.S.: Personally I like bloggada’s format better but I have found more bloggers through indivine than bloggada. Guess both of them have their own advantages.

Thoughts tag

I came out of the fitting room of a posh garment shop and could still hear the kid fussing/crying over top of his voice. He must have been 4-5 years old. The mom held him up and continued browsing through the racks. She didn’t even try to ask what’s wrong. Another lady standing nearby me couldn’t (or wouldn’t) take it anymore and said in a loud voice, 'Oh for God’s sake. Take him home. He doesn’t want to be in the store”.  Mom still kept browsing through the ongoing sale. Let her kid scream his lungs out. Let other people get headaches due to that. She will get her discounts.

****

An acquaintance of a friend, decided to join gym to control her weight. Her husband decided to come along. Problem? What will they do with their 4 year old? Oh that’s right, dump him in the acquaintance (my friend) place every weekend for 2-3 hours while they work out in the gym. I asked my friend why don’t they hire a baby sitter if they are planning to go to gym every weekend? She pointed and laughed at me. Apparently Indian parents don’t hire baby-sitter. They use their acquaintances. It doesn’t matter if the acquaintances might have other plans (the reason the whole thing came up. I invited her over during a weekend). Hey, it’s your kid and your responsibility and not someone else’s.

****

Another acquaintance, another friend. This acquaintance is pregnant and is in her first trimester=> She has morning sickness. She can’t tolerate a lot of things, among them is the smell of Indian curry. Yet a colleague of theirs decided to get an Indian takeout/leftovers for his lunch and ate it right on his desk which is right next to this pregnant lady (and yes he knew). They have a big cafeteria provided by the company and he could have eaten there. But NO. As Apu pointed out in this post, he didn’t want to give the ‘special treatment’ to a woman just because she happens to be pregnant. Women, their bodies and their pregnancy aren’t the norm of this world.

****

Another acquaintance of another friend. This time acquaintance wife is pregnant. He (the acquaintance) is hoping that it’s not a girl. Why? If it’s a boy, he doesn’t have to worry about him returning home pregnant. Of course, it doesn’t matter if he impregnates a girl because like most Indians, he is not planning to teach his son about responsibilities and consequences of unsafe sex.  Since a male body don’t carry the baby, they don’t have any responsibility for a baby.

First time I heard these arguments were when a friend’s family decided to have a dog and her parents ruled against getting a she-dog (yes I know what they are called) even though a she-puppy was available at the moment. Guess in our world, a pet and a daughter are equivalent.

****

An acquaintance was complaining about a common friend. The common friend had the audacity of telling off her spoiled son (4 years old) when he was hitting her with his toy car while she (the acquaintance) watched. She never explained why the common friend is supposed to take the abuse (the metallic toy car hurts!) or why didn’t she herself told him off?

****

A friend of mine doesn’t want kids because she can’t and won’t raise an unruly kids as most parents these day do. She, like me, can’t tolerate spoiled kids. And yet, she says, that kid will grow up in a world filled with those spoiled kids. Nah, according to her, those spoiled kids will be the norm of next generation (and number of spoiled kids I see these days, I can’t argue with her). How will her kid with his/her values survive in a world like that? She think, she will, by her ways of bringing him/her up, make sure that her kid will be a failure in the future world.

****

I know all these thoughts are not connected with each other in any way and each of them deserves a post of its own but as I am not too big on writing posts these days due to my thesis, I thought I would put the thoughts/events that I thought can become potential posts out there for you to think about. I know quite a few of these events can provoke a reaction in almost all of us and I will be happy to hear your thoughts about it.

So I tag all the readers to either write a post or comment here on any of these events that particularly pinched them. It’s free for all tag. Since I am starting the tag, I am taking the liberty to tag a few of my favorite bloggers. Hopefully they will respond. And they are: Apu, IHM, PB, Rachna, Shilpa, Sudipta, Usha and Viji.

Google again

Did you know about Google’s contest where the winner city gets awarded with their experimental project which will provide around half a million people with fiber-optic internet cables. You know what that means? 1Gigabyte/Sec internet speed!

Okay if someone from the future is reading this post: don’t laugh. It’s a big deal!! I have 16mbps download speed and it’s supposed to be pretty good internet speed. 1 gbps is something unheard of yet.

For those who are still in this time, and don’t get what I am talking about. Well you can try speedtest.net to check your download and upload speeds. Those of you who have a fast internet connection you would have a speed of around 20mbps. Now imagine 1gbps!!

Anyway, I am not the only one super excited about such a project. Seems like a lot of people are going nuts over this project. You don’t believe me?

To start with Topeka, Kansas unofficially changed its name to Google, Kansas. In response to this gesture, a lot of communities across the US has risen up to attract Google’s attention. For example, this skit:

And that’s not it, the mayor of Duluth went and took a dip in Lake superior. Here is the video for that:

And then the mayor of Sarasota went for a swim in shark tank. Who knew swimming in a shark tank was part of the job description for mayor’s office?

They have jingles, they are organizing rallies and what not. Let’s see who finally wins the contest. Though I don’t have the luxury, but I would have loved to live in the town where they have 1 gbps internet speed.

P.S.: While I am talking about computers, have you heard Intel Itanium Processor 9100 series? They enable system configurations of as many as 512 processors and a full petabyte (1024 TB) of RAM. 1PB RAM! Okay, you got me. I am fascinated by technology. Mind you, I am not that big a fan of gadgets but technology gets me. These days I am dreaming of building a CPU from scratch. Configuration, you ask? How about Intel i7920(2.66Hz), 12GB RAM, 2TB hard drive? Sounds cool, right? oh well, someday.

I am sick to my stomach

…after reading this report on Texas conservatives changing the high school curriculum. Did I ever mention that I hate Texas and don’t want to live there? Unfortunately though, I am moving there in six months. I am thankful that I don’t have any kids or I would have homeschooled them. Seriously. Otherwise I would have sent them to India to study or something.

I don’t get it. How and why the politician gets the authority on high school curriculum? (We have similar problems in India though not this severe). According to the report:

There were no historians, sociologists or economists consulted at the meetings..

Hmmm..interesting. So if you are in power, you can rewrite the facts to suite your convenience? To hell with people who spent their life studying these subjects. What do they know?

In recent years, board members have been locked in an ideological battle between a bloc of conservatives who question Darwin’s theory of evolution and believe the Founding Fathers were guided by Christian principles, and a handful of Democrats and moderate Republicans who have fought to preserve the teaching of Darwinism and the separation of church and state.

Question Darwin’s theory of evolution? Someone has to fight to preserve the teaching of Darwinism? Was time travel invented and was I transported to the era of bigotry when they denounced Galileo and Copernican theory as heresy? On that topic, I am not sure why didn’t the board change the curriculum to include the bible’s view about astronomy that Earth is flat and it is the center of universe? Too far fetched? Scared that even 10 year olds will laugh at them if they say something like that? As far as I am concerned, questioning the Darwin’s theory is exactly the same.

But then they have privilege to believe in what they want, don’t they? They won’t believe in carbon dating as it proves Darwinism, however they will believe in X-rays. Convenient, eh? If you don’t believe in radiations and the fact that we can count how old a bone is based on ratio of product and source then you don’t get to believe in it’s other applications as well. But then they are in the power (for some unknown reason). That’s why they can do this too:

They also included a plank to ensure that students learn about “the conservative resurgence of the 1980s and 1990s, including Phyllis Schlafly, the Contract With America, the Heritage Foundation, the Moral Majority and the National Rifle Association.”

Does anyone sense anything here (well you would need to know about these people and organization to understand. feel free to click on wiki link)? No? Let’s see:

In the field of sociology, another conservative member, Barbara Cargill, won passage of an amendment requiring the teaching of “the importance of personal responsibility for life choices” in a section on teenage suicide, dating violence, sexuality, drug use and eating disorders.

Did you notice how they put sexuality right in middle of the other genuine  problems as teenage suicide, drug use, dating violence and eating disorders? And notice how they worded it as “life choices” and how it is a “personal responsibility”? Oh, you catch my drift. And yes, they will teach that in high schools in Texas because the experts in sociology says so. Oh no wait, they never studied sociology or human behavior or sexuality. But they studied bible and that makes them expert in science, sociology, human behavior and history. Right? My question is: why not get rid of all the other textbooks and just have one book in school curriculum: bible. It anyways make anyone and everyone an expert in all existing subject then what’s the point of studying anything else? Abolish schools and universities altogether. What’s the point in loading the mind of these youngsters with anything else?

And no, they didn’t forget racism? No. How can they?

Efforts by Hispanic board members to include more Latino figures as role models for the state’s large Hispanic population were consistently defeated, prompting one member, Mary Helen Berlanga, to storm out of a meeting late Thursday night, saying, “They can just pretend this is a white America and Hispanics don’t exist.”

“They are going overboard, they are not experts, they are not historians,” she said. “They are rewriting history, not only of Texas but of the United States and the world.”

…

Dr. McLeroy, a dentist by training, pushed through a change to the teaching of the civil rights movement to ensure that students study the violent philosophy of the Black Panthers in addition to the nonviolent approach of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He also made sure that textbooks would mention the votes in Congress on civil rights legislation, which Republicans supported.

Do you know why they are doing that? Well here is what they say:

“We are adding balance,” said Dr. Don McLeroy, the leader of the conservative faction on the board, after the vote. “History has already been skewed. Academia is skewed too far to the left. ” (Emphasis Mine)

Did you know “believing” in Darwinism is a political choice and not a scientific conviction?

Yes. I am moving to Texas in six months after spending six years in wonderful San Francisco bay area. And no, I am not looking forward to it.

A strange thought…

…occurred to me today: What if someone made a movie based on my life?

I don’t know why it suddenly struck me- may be because my life is so melodramatic at times, or may be I just want the current period of my life (writing the thesis and making sense of last 5 years of my life) to be a musical montage like one of those training musical montages in the movies after which the lead is ready to take on the bad guys, or may be I am simply turning into a narcissist.

Whatever the reason, after the moment that thought occurred to me, I spent the rest of my day (well it’s still going on) with a background narration in my head complete with background musical scores. Did you ever have one of those days? It had been a very weird day. The simplest of daily task felt weird and funny. And worst of it: I can’t stop it. It’s like one of those bad tunes stuck in your head that you hum all day long incessantly. You hate the tune and yet it keeps going over and over and over in your head. Does someone has a cure for this? I am having a weird day, seriously.

Habits

Came across this nazam by Gulzar and I had to share it. A loose translation is provided below:

Img from:http://www.lostartofblogging.com

साँस लेना भी कैसी आदत है
जीये जाना भी क्या रवायत है
कोई आहट नहीं बदन में कहीं
कोई साया नहीं है आँखों में
पाँव बेहिस हैं, चलते जाते हैं
इक सफ़र है जो बहता रहता है
कितने बरसों से, कितनी सदियों से
जिये जाते हैं, जिये जाते हैं
आदतें भी अजीब होती हैं…

What a habit it is to breathe
What a tradition it is to live
There is no response in the body
There is no shades in the eyes
Feet are in a stupor, they keep walking
It’s a journey that keeps flowing
For how many years, for how many centuries
We keep living, we keep living
Habits are very strange thing..

Scenic Dish

Oh well, what do you know, Spring is here. Temperature has been constantly rising and skies have taken a shade of blue instead of their usual gray. Sun is out and about and so are the walkers, hikers and runners.

So last weekend I decided to take a hike and while doing so, take some pictures. So I went to Stanford Dish and took some pictures.

Well, I am not really sure what Stanford dish is used for except that it’s there for some research. All I know that it has two big dish antennas…

..and beautiful scenery especially if you are there on a beautiful day like these:

Did I tell you that it’s part of Stanford Campus and probably the highest point near the Stanford Campus which means you can see the entire Stanford campus and surrounding area from certain points in the area as:

So the tall building in the center is the Hoover Tower (after Herbert Hoover, the 31st US president and Stanford alumnus). The mountains in the background are in East Bay (Diablo Range?). The water body in middle is the San Francisco Bay. You can also see Dumbarton Bridge from certain points as here (look closely. You can also spot the Stanford Stadium towards the right (red benches)):

The main use of dish area, as far as I am concerned, is for recreational purposes. It has pretty steep slopes. A lot of people from Stanford visit Dish daily to walk or to run (I really admire the runners who can run around Dish while talking to their friends. I wish I had as much stamina).

Oh well, that’s about it unless you want to see the pictures of random squirrels and birds. Thought so. Well, till next time..

Protectors

Update: I had to edit the ending of the post after reading (actually finding it again, I read the news 5 days ago but couldn’t locate it for the link) the recent ruling of high court.)

The other day while walking towards my terminal in an airport, I noticed a family ahead of me. Mom-dad and their daughter. The airport was a bit crowded and a lot of military officer in their uniforms were there (with their luggage, so they were either boarding the planes or landing). Anyway, so this family comes to a moving halt and the girl a bit shyly, a bit tentatively approached an army office approaching from the other side. She said a quick ‘Thank You’ to him before dashing off behind her mother.

Sweet, right?

Now compare it to image of an Indian army soldier in our public. A very good example is this footage shown on NDTV a while ago where a young lady retaliated bravely against the molestation attempt by an army soldier.

I am not sure if my experience is shared by everyone but I think the army soldiers are the creepiest fellow passengers I ever had misfortune to travel with. They constantly stare at female passengers in a very sinister way. It doesn’t matter, if you stare back or you ignore them. They will continue to make you uncomfortable. That’s the worst I have experienced but then I wasn’t not in a disturbed area with heavy military presence.

Due to these encounter with them, I was never surprised by the stories of soldiers molesting/raping women in disturbed areas neither was I surprised when that footage came out. I understood that girl’s reaction perfectly.

Every time I spot an Indian soldier in any public place, my first reaction would be to get away from them as much as possible, minimize my interaction with them and while doing all that I feel a bit revolted, a bit nauseated as I consider them the worst of all the predators roaming on our streets. Whatever I feel, one thing is certain that I don’t feel any gratitude towards them.

Watching that little girl saying thanks made me wonder is there something wrong with me? or, is something wrong with our culture that we don’t feel gratitude for our soldiers? or, is there something wrong with our army and their culture? I wonder with all the discipline we impose in army, why can’t we impose a zero tolerance policy against all army soldier who attempt anything like that? But then may be like police, army don’t consider such issues important. How does it matter how they treat women, after all, women are, or rather, should be used to treatments like these. Right?

The bigoted attitude of army towards women is obvious by the fact they treat the women officer. Did you know that until 5 days ago, women officers were forced to retire after 14 years in service, irrespective of their record. Male officers were allowed a full tenure after just five years in service. Women officers were not eligible for any pension or financial benefits as men. Talk about discrimination. And you know the worst? The affidavit that Army filed in High court for this case actually said:

The background of our troops who hail from rural areas with fixed concepts of women had to be considered at the time of induction of women as officers into the Army. Grant of Permanent Commission would result in placing women officers as Commanding Officers of units, which was considered inappropriate.

Now let me get this straight. The rural population that  migrate to cities, and work as servants, gardeners etc, don’t have a problem taking orders from women but army soldiers do? Why is this different? And even if it is so, the solution army has to offer is not to put women in commanding position. How does keeping women away from commanding positions going to help in changing that?

If we have to follow that logic, no engineering college should have opened their gates for female students as engineering has been male dominant field, and before 1970s, men (even urban men) weren’t used to having women in their engineering classes. And again any construction site or foundry or manufacturing industry, is male dominant and surprise, surprise, most of the workers hail from rural areas. How could they have learnt to take orders from, oh my God, a woman? And yet they did.

So how come our dearest Army is still living in the 1950s? When will they change and get in the 21st century? And when and if, they decide to join us I hope they introduce a zero tolerance policy against any act of eve teasing/molestation/rape by soldiers and instead of covering for them, they make an example of anyone who dares to violate this policy. And then, we might be able to feel the well deserved gratitude towards them for putting their life in line for us.

P.S.: I wrote the original post  for International Women’s day and in response to PsychBabbler’s Tag. but as this post didn’t fall in any of the categories mentioned on Indusladies (the tag) and I wasn’t sure if it’s really a woman’s right issue, so I didn’t post it then. I still needed to get this one out of my system before I loose my steam so here it is.

Scientifically, statistically and mathematically correct

A delight for all the scientist, mathematician, statistician. Watch:

Heh!

Farmville Crazy?

So the newest trend on Facebook by non-Farmville-crazy friends of mine is to join the hate groups like:

I don’t care about your farmville status. SO STOP POSTIING THEM, or

Another Farmville invite and I will kill your animals and burn your crops, or

I hate Farmville, or

To Hell with Farmville, etc.

If you are Farmville crazy and have friends that are less understanding to your idiosyncrasies like you are of theirs (as their non-stop quizzes or their daily updates of their “friend's of day” or “Fortune Cookie” or their non-sensical statuses), then you might want to read this post. BTW, isn’t that the point of these stupid social network statuses? And, if you are so bothered by these statuses there is a simple way to stop all the updates from people hooked in to Farmville. At least that’s what I do with people who take too many quizzes. I think it’s more polite than joining these groups. But then each to his/her own. Politeness isn’t a universal phenomenon.

So the point of the post is to teach you a way to be able to publish the Farmville updates only to your Farmville-crazed friends (and yes it is very important for us to publish those updates as they help us in the game). The trick is simple. Make a new friend list and select that list every time you publish your Farmville notifications. Got it? NO? Okay, let me break it into smaller steps:

1. Create a new list, say Farmville. At the moment (Oh yes, I am sick of Facebook changing its appearance all the time) you can do this by clicking on the “Account” (it’s on top right corner) and select “Edit Friend”. It initially takes you to the “Find Friends” page. However, if you browse the left side menu, it shows the List. Click on the “Friends”. You will reach the page as seen below:

Now you can create a new list either by clicking the “Create New List” and then selecting the friends that play Farmville. Or you can select the list to assign to your friend to from the list menu given in front of your friend’s name.

2. Once you have created the list, it’s pretty simple. So anytime Farmville prompts you to publish something, you will get a window like:

Click on the lock next to “Publish” button. Select “Customize” from the list and next window “Custom Privacy” will pop-up:

On the menu of “Make this visible to”, select “Specific People”. Now you can type the name of your list in the text box provided below and click “Save Setting”.

You will taken back to the main window and if you hover over the lock now, you will be able to see the name of your list:

Mind you, you have to undergo this procedure every time you need to publish anything for the Farmville. So if your friends are bothering you, use this small trick.

 

Coming back to real world! I am sorry I didn’t keep up my promise about Friday favs. For some reason, I have a writer’s block against them, so I am ditching it for now. I don’t want to stop writing completely due to that.

On yet another note, it was Holi today and I made this special farm montage especially for you guys! (well it looks way cooler in the farm. The white flowers in the side are Lilies, The red color is due to Tulips and yellow is Golden Tulips. Alas! I have to harvest my hard work) Hope those of you who are India, got to celebrate Holi in a nice and safe way, and it lacked the groping and other harassment usually associated with the festival.

The question they ask!

So the past one week was one of the most productive week I have had in a while. I think, I was even working in my dreams. Anyway, it also meant that I wasn’t blogging (as you might have noticed) or twittering, or mailing or facebooking (ok I did work on my farm but nothing else). So here I am again, after missing two Friday favs in row {*head hanging in shame*}, trying to convince you guys to be a bit more understanding. (I will post three Friday Fav this Friday, I promise, that too, in separate posts. I already have the songs picked up, I just didn’t get time to post.)

Today, I had to take a break from my productive streak to finish a few chores that I have been postponing, like, filling out Visa forms, vehicle registration and stuffs. I know, I know, it’s far more important than the work, but once the productivity bug bites me, it’s pretty hard for me to think about, let alone do, anything else. So today I finally filled out the Visa questionnaire sent by the company. And as usual, dearest immigration department had to ask those delightful questions. And I, again, can’t resist my urge to post my actual replies, had I been given a box to write them out instead of the ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. Actually let me write down my response as it went in my head as I went through the questions.


Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. knowingly committed any crime of moral turpitude or a drug-related offense for which you have not been arrested?

Huh, No.


Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. been arrested, cited, charged, indicted, fined, or imprisoned for breaking or violating any law or ordinance, excluding traffic violations?

Nope.


Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. been the beneficiary of a pardon, amnesty, rehabilitation decree, other act of clemency or similar action?

Again no. Though I do beg people’s pardon occasionally as I was told it was polite to do so. I hope they do
pardon me on those occasions so by that logic I have been beneficiary of a pardon or two.


Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. exercised diplomatic immunity to avoid prosecution for a criminal offense in the U.S.?

Diplomacy had never been my cup of tea so I guess I can safely say that I am immune to diplomatic immunity.


Have you ever within the past 10 years been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution, or intend to engage in such activities in the future?

Come again?


Have you ever engaged in any unlawful commercialized vice, including, but not limited to, illegal gambling?

I have been to Las Vegas twice so far and haven’t spent a single dime on gambling so a big no for gambling: legal or illegal. However I have no idea about any other commercialized vice: Is celebrating Valentine’s day a commercialized vice?


Have you ever illicitly trafficked in any controlled substance, or knowingly assisted, abetted or colluded in the illicit trafficking of any controlled substance?

Do pickles count? Not that I trafficked any pickles at any time. Just curious.


Do you intend to engage in the U.S. in espionage?

What kind of spy will answer this question in affirmative? Again, I am just curious. What’s the point of this question?


Did you, during the period March 23, 1933 to May 8, 1945, in association with either the Nazi Government of Germany or any organization or government associated or allied with the Nazi Government of Germany, ever order, incite, assist or otherwise participate in the persecution of any person because of race, religion, national origin or political opinion?

I wasn’t even born, dude. Forget that, not even my parents were alive back then.


Have you ever been deported from the U.S., or removed from the U.S. at government expense, excluded within the past year, or are you now in exclusion or deportation proceedings?

Right and I am trying to fool you by applying for this visa. So basically you think that I think you are dumb, right?


Have you ever been a J nonimmigrant exchange visitor?

Hahaha..you think Indian government cares if I return there or not? Hahahahahehehehohohoho… {*Pointing and laughing*}


Are you now withholding custody of a U.S. Citizen child outside the U.S. from a person granted custody of the child?

No child boss. And if I had one, I would have given back if there is someone claiming his or her custody. My policy: children and pets are great, if they are someone else’s. You get to play with them and return back. No responsibility, all fun.


Do you plan to practice polygamy in the U.S.?

Hmm..how do I answer this? I am having problem with Mono, good sir, Poly will be too much to handle.

Will you have access to controlled technology? (Nuclear materials, chemicals, microorganisms, toxins, materials processing, electronics, computers, telecommunications and information security, sensors, lasers, navigation, avionics, marine, propulsion systems, space vehicles or related materials or equipment.)

Wow! Space vehicles. Can I have one? Please, please pleeease. Pretty Please? Cherry on the top please?

Oh well, it’s so much fun filling up the visa forms. I just hate the other paper work involved with it. Scan this, scan that, get pay slips, bank statements, rental agreements and God only knows what else.
I am going back to my productive streak from tomorrow (I hope I didn’t loose it). Yeah, yeah I remember my promise. 3 posts coming up for you on Friday. Till then..

Here is to Love

Over past 10 days, I checked my mails twice, my Facebook account once, logged in and posted on my blog once (last Friday) and didn’t watch TV at all. Now can you imagine how much fun I was having for last few days that I didn’t need any of my usual (aforementioned) means of entertainment? So do you really want me to apologize for having such a good time and thus, neglecting the blog? I thought so.

At the moment, I am endeavoring to return to the real world. All I can post today is this beautiful rose. Enjoy, I will be back soon enough…

February Friday Favorite: Yeh zulfon ki bikhri ghata

Okay I am too tired today to write a real post. I could only put up the song I had planned for today. It's a beautiful song by my favorite singer Asha Bhosle. Music by Rajesh Roshan and lyrics by Anjaan. Hope you like this beautiful song.

Enjoy...

In response to…

“it is simple, there are lot of hot and serious issues to discussed and debated like genocide in Kashmir by the great army of your great nation. These are futile issues, any body is gay or lesbian, doesn't matter. People r not used to it that is y it looks funny to them but in coming decade people won't feel like that. You should write how communistic tendencies have become elitetistic in this pseudo-secular n antidemocratic country?
You should write about the Imperialistic and colonial tendencies of your great nation instead ............ !! Please channelize your creative tendencies to revolutionize your nation not to harp on a non-issue.”

As you might have guessed it, this is a comment that I received on my last post. This isn’t the first time I have heard someone trivializing the Gay issue because according to them, there are far more pressing issues in the world to talk about.

Well, if being Gay is such a non-issue then why almost all the religious sects, including Christianity, Islam and Hinduism (for once they agree on something) prohibit the homosexuality and do everything possible (= spend a lot of money and resources) to make life difficult for Homosexuals and whenever possible, attempt to criminalize homosexuality with the penalty of death? Why are homosexuals tortured - mentally, socially and physically, beaten- at times beaten to death, murdered and hanged all the time? In South Africa, lesbians are being raped in order to turn them heterosexual (read this brilliant post by Sparky on how less the life of a homosexual is valued in today’s world). How can all this be a non-issue? It’s a worldwide genocide condoned by all religious sect and quite often by the Government.  Just because you or anyone you know haven’t suffered yet due to this, it doesn’t mean that it becomes a non-issue. And if you can laugh at this genocide and try to trivialize it, with what right do you expect anyone to be sympathetic to your cause? How can you be indifferent towards one genocide while fighting against the other?

On a side note, I have often posted about how woman in our society are at the lowest levels. Well, congratulations ladies, we have found a group even lower than us on the social ladder: The LGBTs. Why else would a reputed news channel as BBC, dare to run a survey on its website asking if homosexuals should face execution? The key word being “if”, as if it is an option worth considering: should we legally kill another human for the “non-issue” crime of homosexuality? (Yeah, it’s such a non-issue! How does it matter if we kill homosexuals or not?)  It was later retracted by BBC but yet they did put it there in the first place, as if it was a legitimate question to ask. At least no news channel, even an Indian news channel, will put up a poll asking if we should execute women, will it now? (Worst: Such questions are actually debated in the parliaments of many countries and are passed as laws. Non-issue? Really?)

CREDITS: Most of the issues raised here as well as the references came from Sparky’s site. Please do visit his wonderful site for more info.


P.S.: 1. As for my opinion on Kashmir issue, I wrote about it here (well I paraphrased most of it from Vir Sanghvi’s article on the same subject but then I do agree with him on the issue..).


2. I don’t understand this line in the comment above:
“ You should write how communistic tendencies have become elitetistic in this pseudo-secular n antidemocratic country?”
Anyone care to explain it? I am scratching my head here.

I don’t understand

I don’t understand why being gay is so funny for Indian audience. Honestly, Indians laugh/snigger whenever someone mentions or accuses of someone else (especially a guy) being gay (in a movie or in reality). What is so funny about someone being gay? Please do share the joke..

I don’t understand why writing about gay and gay rights such a taboo? I have been advised by my friends that I should not write about the subject so often. If you ask them why, they simply shrug and say that people might get wrong ideas but they never explains what wrong ideas. (Any of you have any of these aforementioned “wrong ideas”, please let me know. I won’t publish your comment but at least I would know. I am really curious).

Anyone?

(Img src: http://5.media.tumblr.com/XO6T2i0sqgqo01kiVg0Y9jkHo1_400.gif)