I don’t agree

…with most of the things said here (its an HT article about how NRI behave when they visit India). At least, I don’t behave in that way. And I am sure quite a few of you don’t either. Let’s go through the list, shall we?

1. They come with bags of foodstuff for themselves: Why in the world would we carry foodstuff to India for ourselves? Honestly? I want to eat at home and eat proper Indian food for once. I do carry chocolates for friends and families but that’s about it.

2. They want to eat. ALL the time: Whenever I visit India, I make all kind of excuses to not visit and eat at all the neighborhood aunties. I usually leave with a lot unsatisfied and angry aunties in my wake. Yes, there are few things that my mom make that I like to eat but gosh, I never eat all of it or all the time. Also don’t you think it contradicts the with first point?

3. They complain about the prices of EVERYTHING: Okay, I haven’t been to India recently, but don’t Indians living India also complaining about the same thing? We are undergoing inflation big time at the moment. But even then, I can never complain about prices in India after the prices I pay in US.

4. They’ve got weird accents:  To start with, I always had a weird accent. It might have gotten weirder over the years but then as far as I know Indians in India have an accent too. And if everyone has got an accent why are they complaining?

5. They want to shop. ALL the time: Yeah, the prices are so low, who wouldn’t? I think its an innate Indianess in all of us that we look for the cheapest deals and prices. So if we do shop in India, what’s the big deal?

6. They come with their dirty clothes: The only dirty clothes I have carried over the years are my precious saris for dry-cleaning. And that’s because I don’t trust the dry-cleaners here to understand Indian clothes and embroideries to take care of them. Not because of the price but the care. What if I do take a chance  and they ruin it for me. And its not like I am asking any of my relatives to do it for me, or pay the dry-cleaning for me.

7. You realise they know more Hindi songs than you: Well I don’t. I have no idea about latest bollywood news. BTW, don’t the Indians in India know about latest Hollywood or English albums?

8. They think India is just a stage for a wedding: Yikes! I hate weddings.

9. Their weddings mean more work for YOU: Never gonna happen. Even if I do get married, it will be a court marriage. And please, I request all those Indians in India not to complain about the lack of ceremony.

10. They want homely, same caste Indian brides and grooms: Huh? Okay dude you have seriously backward relatives.

11. They come with cheap stuff you’ll never use: Again, no idea what you are talking about? I will never buy cheap stuff as present. I will never give anything to anyone unless I use the same brand and stuff myself. But then, may be people in India are more brand conscious than I am.

12. They get ultra nostalgic – and traditional – at weddings: Hate weddings, remember?

13. They don’t want to go malls, just bazaars: Oh well, you must be talking about metropolitans where they do have malls. I don’t think the small towns, like yours truly’s, have malls yet. But then when do big city people think about how the rest of India functions? If they have it in big cities, the entire India has it, right?

14. They complain about the weather: You should visit Southern California someday dude, and then we will see who complains about the weather. They have temperatures of 45-50 C there (spent a summer there with no ac in the car). You see, not all of us have luxury of living in New York. Some of us do live in part of US where the weather is worse than India.

15. They’re bringing us less chocolate than usual (thanks to the recession): I haven’t been to India, thanks to the recession. I haven’t seen my family for three years, thanks to the recession. I have been homesick for past two years, thanks to the recession. I have friends who are out of job for six months, thanks to the recession. And you are complaining about chocolates?

16. They complain about how India’s getting more crowded, hotter and dustier, even if they’ve NEVER lived here:  Oh I never complain about the crowd or heat or dust in India. I do complain about the daily molestation going on Indian street and no matter how much we progress economically, I don’t see that going away.And when I do complain about it, I am the one who gets blamed for attracting attention of such people. As if its my fault.

17. Just when you think it’s safe, they come back for good:  Never gonna happen. I can’t live through that daily torture of being blamed for being a victim. Not when I now know its not my fault and there is a better way of life out here.

18. They think they have all the solutions to Indian problems: Nope I don’t. I think the reason I am an NRI is because I am running from all the problems we have in India. True, they have some problems in every society but I think I can face these problems because, at least, I am not blamed for being a victim here.

19. They are more Indian than Indians (they’re like Indians in the 12th century): Again, dude, you have weird relatives.

20. They behave like tourists in their home town: Huh? Okay, I no longer eat ghee (I can’t digest it anymore), but olive oil? I go back to all my old haunts including the punjabi dhaba next to the bus-stand. Yes, I have upset stomach all the time I am there but its totally worth it.

P.S.: One day, I am going to write a post about how Indians in big cities assume so many things about rest of the India. Not all of Indians come from Delhi, Bombay, Calcutta, Madras, Hyderabad, or Bangalore. And not everything that you find in these cities is true for the rest of India.