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The arranged marriages are successful. Look at the divorce rates in India.”
I am not sure how many times have I heard this statement. It’s given as an argument whenever some westerner wonder aloud about the arranged marriages. The only thing we always forget to mention: divorce is not an option in India especially for women. So the marriages like these are also considered “successful” :
- Married for 35 years. Husband and wife never got along so they live separately. Husband visit wife twice a month and even then they fight. They have three kids.
- Married for 26 years. Husband have a mistress. Wife knows. They celebrated their twenty-fifth anniversary by marrying again. The couple have two children.
- Married for 20 years. Husband was caught in house of a widow late night. The affair was exposed. Husband beat up the wife for being angry on him. They have two kids.
- Married for fifteen years. Husband owns a factory and the family is well-off. Husband beats up wife for dowry every now and then. Never gives her a penny to spend as she is supposed to get money from “her family”. They have three kids.
These all are real cases. I happen to know all these families. I feel I haven’t done justice to the sufferings of wives by giving these synopsis. I can go on about how depressed those faces were, how fake those smiles and how deliberate were the prying eyes of so-called well-wishers (don’t get me started on the way we rejoice in other people’s miseries). And these were a few of the extreme cases I know. If you ask me, most of those so-called happily married couples simply tolerate each other rather than being happy in their marriages. But then in India, marriage is not about being happy, is it? It’s about making society (namely neighbors and relatives) happy and having kids. Who cares whether you are happy or not?
Once again...agree with you!! My mum used to tell me when I pooh-poohed arranged marriages that they work because there's hardly any divorces...and that was my argument --- it's society that they are afraid of which is why they don't divorce and the woman is usually dependent on her husband.I esp love the way you ended the post! :)
ReplyDeleteI know. I had endured those long lectures about marriage being a duty of daughter and paying the social debt and all that.
ReplyDeleteBut somewhere in my heart I believe that my parents want me to be happy even though they don't know what will make me happy. So for their sake and mine, I let all these things slide..
A nice point, you made!!
ReplyDeleteTrue, statistics reveal that the divorce rates among arranged marriages is very low. That's because in India divorce is still a social stigma and hence couples stuck in bad marriages are less willing to go for it!
Thanks Shilpa! I have had enough badgering with arranged marriage so had to spill my guts here. I am glad that at least some people agree with my viewpoint...
ReplyDeleteNice post ...I have seen so many people opting to stay married just for the sake of their kids and family. A life long suffering.
ReplyDeleteGuess this is the area where woman empowerment didnt shed much light -The right to be happy
I think arranged marriage has more to do with preserving "purity of blood" (sorry about such a sad sounding term!) than anything else. For instance, an iyyer would want his son/daughter to marry another iyyer just so that the "bloodline" continues.
ReplyDeleteIt is for those who have belief in this system.
Thanks Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteKids and marriage is a vicious cycle created by our society. If someone is unhappy in their marriage, the society advise: have kids. Kids will change everything (namely your partners behavior). Once you have kids and are still unhappy (as your partner doesn't care) then you can't get out of the marriage as society says: you will destroy kid's life. Think about them.
If you ask me, the society is very cunning piece of machinery. After compelling the couples to live together, they brag about how great Indian culture is by quoting the low divorce rate and then use it to influence yet another young couple in marriage. Vicious cycles.
Agreed Aneet. Hope we will eventually grow out of it someday..
ReplyDeleteI like this post. We know this is true, and I can't understand how someone can't see the truth here. I wrote a post because a comment objected to these modern ideas of women expecting happiness from marriages, because hey, isn't marriage about sacrifice (by women)!!
ReplyDeletePromoted this post on Indiblogger.
ReplyDeleteHave to agree with you...
ReplyDeletewhen you say divorce not an option for women.. true very true...
Maybe we will see a change someday...and people will do care if we are really happy with the marriage ...
hope the time comes sooner...
@ Nickhil: Keeping my fingers crossed for that day but somehow I think it will take a bit longer than expected. Fundamentalist forces are on rise in India. How else would you explain Narendra Modi winning the elections again?
ReplyDelete