This is Stanfy-news channel...

So I was sitting on a bench in the patio of our office building, talking to a friend on my brand new cell phone. Oh yes, see I haven't been blogging regularly and so you don't know that I left my dear old cell phone in London and was compelled to buy a new cell phone after three years. My old phone was so old that when I went to buy the charger for the phone (as my old charger finally gave up on me), they had to go into their ware house to fetch one. And this was six months ago. But I still didn't give it up. I lost that cell phone three times and it always found its way back to me. Guess no one wants to keep it.

Anyways, I digress. The story was that I was talking to a friend on my cell phone, oh sorry, correction, my brand new cell phone. All of sudden a squirrel jumped off the tree above me and ran across. I saw her and thought, if I hadn't been talking on the phone, I could have taken a picture of the squirrel using the phone camera. the very next moment I realized that if I hadn't been talking on the phone, I wouldn't have been sitting here, watching her go by, anyways. So I saw her play around a bit and then disappear behind the pillars of the building. I, once again, got lost in my conversation.

Some time later, I saw the same squirrel come running from behind the pillars and she seem to have something in her mouth. Being an easily distracted grad student I am, I again lost track of the conversation and started watching her instead. From a distance the thing in her mouth seemed like a branch and I wondered why would she carry a branch? She came closer and I thought that branch is actually a bone but again, what will a squirrel do with a bone? She came even closer and I saw that bone had some leftover meat on the sides. hmmm...lunch? But aren't squirrel supposed to be vegetarian? Don't they store and eat nuts (remember sabre toothed squirrel from Ice-Age (the movie yaar, Ice-Age, the movie))? Anyway, so I shared my thoughts with my friend on the phone. She agreed with me. And then she went a step further, tried to reason out the behavior from different perspective. It was quite interesting analysis, which actually gave me an idea for this post.

So in case there was a news reporter near-by capturing the story, the report could be something like this:

Squirrel turns Non-vegetarian!

Today afternoon, a common tree squirrel was seen nibbling on a left-over bone in Stanford campus. The news has generated waves through out the area. Different sects have come out with different explanation for the phenomenon.

Scientists think its a natural way of evolution. The progress of species depends on its adaptability with the surrounding environment. Hence, its natural for a squirrel living in close proximity of predominantly meat eating human populace to turn to non-vegetarian meals.

Defying these logics, the politicians of the area blame this phenomenon to illegal immigrants. They are demanding to fence the US borders so that immigrants from Asia can't cross over to U.S. of A. and steal the jobs of legal citizens. According to them, legal citizens of US have right to the jobs. The employers have no right to discriminate them based on their qualifications and efficiency.

The local clergy has declared that End of the world is near. According to the official release issued by the local church, we should all ask for forgiveness for sins that we have committed; for sins we didn't commit but thought of committing; for sins we could have committed; for sins we might commit in future (given we live through end of the world); for sins our family, our neighbors and our friends committed, for sins our ancestors committed; for sins our successor would have committed if they had born; for sins that were ever committed in the world and for sins that were never committed.

The local fanatic sects have proclaimed that world is no longer fit for living. Hence we should all live in a parallel world achievable by means of few unprintable drugs. The local police have announced that any illegal activity will be punishable by law and miscreants will be arrested.

The environmentalist groups have stated that global warming is responsible for such an unusual phenomenon. They blamed government and all the industries for being insatiable. "The nature has its own way of repaying", the spokesperson told the correspondent on the site. "The unbridled consumption, economic growth, materialism, insensitive development, and booming human numbers have an adverse effect on nature and hence is causing global warming."

The Animal Lover Association has released a press release stating that this phenomenon should be regarded as atrocity against animals and hence all the meat consumption in the area should be stopped immediately. They have also submitted a petition signed by 43 people to the Mayor demanding the same. No one was available at the Mayor's office for comments on the subject of this petition.

However, a brief official release from the Mayor's office has asked public to remain calm and not flee from the area. A proper official announcement will be made in the evening.

Anyways, this was my afternoon adventure. Hope you had as much fun reading this piece as I had writing it. More interesting reports to come from the desk of your favorite self-appointed reporter...