The question they ask!

So the past one week was one of the most productive week I have had in a while. I think, I was even working in my dreams. Anyway, it also meant that I wasn’t blogging (as you might have noticed) or twittering, or mailing or facebooking (ok I did work on my farm but nothing else). So here I am again, after missing two Friday favs in row {*head hanging in shame*}, trying to convince you guys to be a bit more understanding. (I will post three Friday Fav this Friday, I promise, that too, in separate posts. I already have the songs picked up, I just didn’t get time to post.)

Today, I had to take a break from my productive streak to finish a few chores that I have been postponing, like, filling out Visa forms, vehicle registration and stuffs. I know, I know, it’s far more important than the work, but once the productivity bug bites me, it’s pretty hard for me to think about, let alone do, anything else. So today I finally filled out the Visa questionnaire sent by the company. And as usual, dearest immigration department had to ask those delightful questions. And I, again, can’t resist my urge to post my actual replies, had I been given a box to write them out instead of the ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. Actually let me write down my response as it went in my head as I went through the questions.


Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. knowingly committed any crime of moral turpitude or a drug-related offense for which you have not been arrested?

Huh, No.


Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. been arrested, cited, charged, indicted, fined, or imprisoned for breaking or violating any law or ordinance, excluding traffic violations?

Nope.


Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. been the beneficiary of a pardon, amnesty, rehabilitation decree, other act of clemency or similar action?

Again no. Though I do beg people’s pardon occasionally as I was told it was polite to do so. I hope they do
pardon me on those occasions so by that logic I have been beneficiary of a pardon or two.


Have you ever, in or outside the U.S. exercised diplomatic immunity to avoid prosecution for a criminal offense in the U.S.?

Diplomacy had never been my cup of tea so I guess I can safely say that I am immune to diplomatic immunity.


Have you ever within the past 10 years been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution, or intend to engage in such activities in the future?

Come again?


Have you ever engaged in any unlawful commercialized vice, including, but not limited to, illegal gambling?

I have been to Las Vegas twice so far and haven’t spent a single dime on gambling so a big no for gambling: legal or illegal. However I have no idea about any other commercialized vice: Is celebrating Valentine’s day a commercialized vice?


Have you ever illicitly trafficked in any controlled substance, or knowingly assisted, abetted or colluded in the illicit trafficking of any controlled substance?

Do pickles count? Not that I trafficked any pickles at any time. Just curious.


Do you intend to engage in the U.S. in espionage?

What kind of spy will answer this question in affirmative? Again, I am just curious. What’s the point of this question?


Did you, during the period March 23, 1933 to May 8, 1945, in association with either the Nazi Government of Germany or any organization or government associated or allied with the Nazi Government of Germany, ever order, incite, assist or otherwise participate in the persecution of any person because of race, religion, national origin or political opinion?

I wasn’t even born, dude. Forget that, not even my parents were alive back then.


Have you ever been deported from the U.S., or removed from the U.S. at government expense, excluded within the past year, or are you now in exclusion or deportation proceedings?

Right and I am trying to fool you by applying for this visa. So basically you think that I think you are dumb, right?


Have you ever been a J nonimmigrant exchange visitor?

Hahaha..you think Indian government cares if I return there or not? Hahahahahehehehohohoho… {*Pointing and laughing*}


Are you now withholding custody of a U.S. Citizen child outside the U.S. from a person granted custody of the child?

No child boss. And if I had one, I would have given back if there is someone claiming his or her custody. My policy: children and pets are great, if they are someone else’s. You get to play with them and return back. No responsibility, all fun.


Do you plan to practice polygamy in the U.S.?

Hmm..how do I answer this? I am having problem with Mono, good sir, Poly will be too much to handle.

Will you have access to controlled technology? (Nuclear materials, chemicals, microorganisms, toxins, materials processing, electronics, computers, telecommunications and information security, sensors, lasers, navigation, avionics, marine, propulsion systems, space vehicles or related materials or equipment.)

Wow! Space vehicles. Can I have one? Please, please pleeease. Pretty Please? Cherry on the top please?

Oh well, it’s so much fun filling up the visa forms. I just hate the other paper work involved with it. Scan this, scan that, get pay slips, bank statements, rental agreements and God only knows what else.
I am going back to my productive streak from tomorrow (I hope I didn’t loose it). Yeah, yeah I remember my promise. 3 posts coming up for you on Friday. Till then..