Epiphany

…though not of a good kind.

So for years I have been asked this set of questions from married women. Okay, let’s be specific, from desi (Indian) married women. And they have always annoyed me but I haven’t been able to put my finger on what exactly bothers me about them. They seem innocent enough questions. This weekend, however, I realized exactly why they bother me. And I have been simmering inside ever since.

The questions I have been asked so often in past few years, especially as I crossed Indian marrying age, will start from very innocent question: if I have a room-mate. It is a bit of personal question as I have been just introduced to these women. But what are we Indians, if we are not intrusive, rude, interfering and blunt. The rest of questions will revolve around this main question, aka room-mate, as if they are trying to ascertain something. They will vary from questions like if my room-mate is likable/livable to if we cook together. At some point, I do tell them that I don’t have a desi room-mate at which they are horrified. But that’s another story.

As I was saying, this line of questioning have always bothered me and I actually find their horrified expression at discovering that I have a non-desi room-mate, very comforting. Though I don’t have non-desi room-mate for their sake, but because I get along non-desi room-mates better than the desis. But then I digress.

So I haven’t been able to put my finger on exactly what bothered me in this line of questioning till this weekend when yet another desi married woman asked me the same questions. The expression on her face matched pity, sympathy while asking me these questions. That’s when I realized the reason behind these interrogations.

See according to the most of the married people, if you are single, you have to be miserable and lonely (and hence the presence of room-mate can make it better but only if you have a desi room-mate). They can’t gather the concept that one can be happy being single.

Who will take care of you when you are sick, even if their husband may or may not take care of them when they are sick. Who will cook for you when you are sick, even if the most their husband will do is to order out, which one can do from sick bed (just pick up the phone). Who will take care of all the chores, even though their husband may or may not help them with theirs. Wouldn’t one crave for company, even though their husband may or may not provide companionship, friendship they crave.

The problem lies in the phrase “may or may not”. You see the husbands have a choice. They can opt to help and they can opt out of it. If they helped once, it doesn’t mean they will help every time. If they do help out once, even in the smallest way, most probably you will hear about that one for days to come. Especially desi husbands. No doubt there are exceptions, but general pattern remains the same.

So I don’t get the point of their pity and sympathy towards me? I think I have a better deal. At least, I have to only clean after myself, cook for myself and take care of myself, and not do all this for a thankless person, who not only expect me to do his chores, do his laundry, cook his food and clean after him, but also wants me to consider him superior than me for some reason. Thank you , but no thank you. I am far more happy by myself. I don’t have to seek anyone’s “permission” to make plans for my weekend, to meet my friends, to wear what I want, to cut my hairs, to go to movies of my choice (chick flicks and animations) or to cook what I want and the way I want to. Why would I ever want to give this up? So please, keep your sympathies to yourself. I am happy. As they say: better alone than in a bad company!