Present

As I said in one of the earlier post, years back when I was learning photography - present can be seen as past of the future. Reading my blog again gives me relaization that present can also be seen as future of the past. Between these two selfs - the future-self and the past-self - is me: the present-self. It makes me wonder what will each of my past-self and future-self will tell my present-self.

My past-self will be quite pleasently surprised by quite a few facts:

• How I overcame my introvertness to actually be so social - someone who organized social events in the city. From someone who hated to go to parties to someone who organized them.
• How I changed from being a total geek who wouldn't have dreamt of leaving science field, I became detached to it. Actually I started finding it boring and hence decided to switch to strategy and actually decided to pursue an MBA - something past-self had been very reluctant about. 
• How I overcame so many obstacles in my path in past few years, especially past few months to be here.

And yet my past-self will be disappointed by myself for letting go of my sarcasm, my sense of humour. She will be horrified by how I let other people's opinion matter so much - how I let other's prejudices guide my life. She will be horrified by how I simply didn't walk away from all this a lot sooner. Why on Earth did I ever try to comply by other people's expectation? Why did I let them manipulate me so?

My future-self - no matter which path I choose- will thank me for being so strong and resilient, for not giving up on myself. I guess she will be a bit more compassionate about my struggle than my past-self as she would have lived through it. Though I think she will also tell me off for not walking out of that mess sooner, for letting other's opinion impact me so. 

I think that's my biggest regret in all this. Not walking away sooner - be scared of - I don't know what. To listen to people that there is no way out or I have no choice but comply. There is always a choice. Choice to walk away choice to not fit in the expectation. Guess one of the lesson I did learn from all this - To struggle against nonsense is wasting your time and energy with no meaningful result so don't get baited into doing so. No matter who is telling you to fight for it. Sometimes walking away is the best choice you can make. 

Of course, the other lesson being to be always true to yourself. Be you and never apologize for being you. I may not be perfect but I am good enough for myself. I have no regrets being me. That's something I do need to remember.

P.S.: 1. It's A Christmas Carol, I guess. 
2. Whatever the future holds, I know one thing for certain: I will not regret my life when I die. I think my last thought would be in line of  "What a life! Never boring." If I were to have an epithet that's what it should say - at least judging by the first half of my life. Picture abhi baki hain, mere dost...